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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26525842">Katabasis</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/androgenius/pseuds/androgenius'>androgenius</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Ancient Greece, Alternate Universe - Gods &amp; Goddesses, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Childhood Friends, Denial of Feelings, First Time, God Dimitri, Growing Up Together, Human Sacrifice, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mortal Felix, Oral Sex, Reunions, Rimming, Road Trips, Sacrifice, Service Top Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Sharing a Bed, Temporary Character Death, Underworld, Virgin Sacrifice, Wilderness Survival</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:01:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>36,966</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26525842</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/androgenius/pseuds/androgenius</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Felix is sacrificed at the altar to the god of war, Dimitri decides that he's not ready to let him go just yet.</p><p>Or: Felix dies, comes back to life, and learns to forgive in the process.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>137</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Dimilix Big Bang</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was written for the Dimilix Big Bang!! As a result, I was lucky enough to get to work with two absolutely incredible artists, <a href="https://twitter.com/angeeya">angeeya</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/panacotts">panacotts</a>! I'm incredibly thankful to both them and my absolutely amazing, wonderful beta, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/somewhereflying">somewhereflying</a> (without whom I would be lost adrift in a sea of run-on sentences!).</p><p>In the endnotes, you'll find a list of foreign terms that come up throughout the story (alongside their definitions), as well as links to all the art that comes up throughout the fic.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sunlight glints off the blade of the kopis. </p><p>The executioner raises it high above his head as Felix fights the urge to close his eyes against the sharp glare of it. This is what his god gets for his behavior: watching a formerly devout follower die in the name of nothing. </p><p>His death will be meaningless, he knows.</p><p>And as the blade sweeps down in its curved arc, Felix smiles despite the pain of dying. </p><p> </p>
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</div><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>He's five the first time it happens. </p><p>The arena is said to be a proud place, men fighting men and beasts alike, with his father dragging both him and his brother to go see the games on more than one occasion. </p><p>It's how he recognizes the handlers from the arena as they're trying to get a lioness back into its cage, its struggle desperate and fierce. </p><p>Unpleasant doesn't even begin to describe the sight, though it doesn't look as though his father has noticed, still preoccupied at one of the market stalls. </p><p>What happens, then, is Glenn's fault. </p><p>Felix decides this as he loads a rock into his sling-- Glenn's apology gift to him after making him cry-- and launches it straight at one of the men's heads from around the corner of a stall. </p><p>After all, it was always Glenn's advice that he couldn't trust the authorities; that he should take matters into his own hands in situations such as these. </p><p>He ducks promptly.</p><p>The rock doesn't hit the man's head. Instead, it hits his arm, and his distraction proves to be the ticket. </p><p>The lioness seizes its opening, running just as Felix decides to do the same for his own sake, hiding behind his father's legs to avoid detection. Crouching down, the space between them makes the perfect place from which to watch. </p><p>But the lioness is fast, and the handlers give up after a short sprint. </p><p>A welcome sight. Glenn would be proud. </p><p>It isn't until after their return home from their journey to the market that things change. </p><p>Felix has always tended toward wandering off. This is no different at home, the underbrush always far more intriguing than the talk of the slaves as they hang the wash up in the sun. It's a sweltering day, and the shelter provided by the trees and the grass and the cool dirt beneath his knees is more than welcome. </p><p>The fur brushes up against his skin before he even realizes the animal's presence, Felix lifting up the creature with a start, quick to hide it from anyone else's sight. </p><p>Its presence is far from logical. After all, the lion cub looks perfectly healthy. Happy, even. </p><p>"Do you belong to the mama I saw earlier?" he says, voice soft as he tilts his head. Under normal circumstances, a mother would never leave her cubs for such a long time, least of all near a residential area. But if she was captured... </p><p>"I'm going to take care of you," he decides, and runs back to the house to grab some food and water. </p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/angeeya/status/1311724299385016322">  </a>
</p><p> </p><p>Falling asleep under the large olive tree behind their house after feeding the lion cub is an accident. The outer courtyard is always quiet and sunny and safe, the leaves providing a welcome amount of shade to keep things from getting too hot. In that regard, it was a given, perhaps.</p><p>Waking up not to the sight of a lion cub, but a boy around his age, was not. He's dressed in rags, but oddly spotless ones, his hair more the color of straw than that of the tawny fur of a lion's. Innocent as he looks, he clearly knows more than Felix, and a great deal more at that.</p><p>"Good morning," he says.</p><p>"... I don't know you," Felix says, even though he's almost certain that this is not correct. </p><p>He <em>does</em> know this person. Perhaps he always has. </p><p>"Do I?" Felix asks.</p><p>He's met with a smile, disarming as it is warm. But the boy doesn't answer his question. </p><p>He just takes his hand.</p><p>"I'm Dima."</p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>They play that day, and the next. Each time, the boy disappears just as soon as Felix hears his father or brother calling. He's there one moment, then gone the next. Like a spectre. </p><p>His appearances are similar, in truth, though that part is somewhat exciting. </p><p>The outer courtyard is quiet enough the next time the boy appears to him, Felix playing with a handful of almonds one of the slaves sneaked his way. Though small, the hole he dug out of the ground is the perfect size for him to attempt to land the nuts into, Felix squinting as he flicks his finger.</p><p>"You have to hold your fingers differently if you want it to go in."</p><p>"I know that," Felix fires back, his face coloring. He did not actually know that. </p><p>Still, he pushes his pride aside and allows Dima to adjust his fingers just so.</p><p>"Try again?"</p><p>"It's not going to work just because you want it to." Resisting the urge to bristle (and doing rather a poor job of it), he tries again. </p><p>Felix can practically see it defy him as it happens in real-time, pursing his lips as he scowls at Dima. </p><p>"It went in, didn't it?"</p><p>"You must have cheated!"</p><p>Dima laughs. "Cheated you into winning? Come now, Felix, that's just silly."</p><p>Maybe. <em>Maybe</em> it's just silly. "We should play knucklebones, instead! When I play with my friends, I always win-- I can catch all five bones on the back of one hand!"</p><p>"I know."</p><p>"How would you know that?"</p><p>Dima smiles, gesturing for him to lean in with the aid of his finger and a conspiratorial smile before whispering to him. "I know everything about you." </p><p>"Even my mother doesn't know everything about me."</p><p>"Oh? What doesn't she know?"</p><p>Felix sighs, fiddling with the hem of his tunic. "She doesn't know about you, for one."</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>It's an interesting question, if only because even Felix doesn't quite have the answer to it. Why <em>hasn't</em> he told his mother about Dima, his newest friend? </p><p>"I," he starts, chewing on his bottom lip. "I want to keep you to myself longer, I guess?" </p><p>That truth is hard-won from his lips. </p><p>"I know," Dima says again, a smile dancing across his features. "That's why I'm here, too."</p><p>"So I can keep you to myself longer?"</p><p>"No." Felix feels a hand wrap around his, his eyes widening as he looks up at Dima. "So I can keep <em>you</em> to myself longer."</p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>"When I'm older, I want to be a soldier. I practice throwing spears and fighting with a training lance and sword every day. I prefer the sword, but don't tell anyone-- I know I'm supposed to like the lance better."</p><p>The heat of the day is visible in the air outside the temple, in the way it shimmers and blurs in the distance. Here, in the shade, it is far less sweltering, though even the slight breeze they are afforded does little to ease the exhaustion that has crept into Felix's bones. </p><p>None of that exhaustion seems to have so much as touched Dima, who just… appeared at his side during his ascent up the hill.</p><p>"Isn't your father a politician?"</p><p>Wrinkling his nose, Felix picks at a loose thread at the hem of his tunic. "Mm, but that's boring. And it'll be Glenn's job, anyway. But even he'd rather be a messenger, I know. He told me. He tells me all kinds of things when we go into town. You have to be fast, though. They say that Kyphon ran for three days straight to deliver the message that we won against the Adrestians."</p><p>Felix knows that he isn't the usual talkative sort, that this isn't like him at all. But Dima is… easy to talk to. Comfortable. He feels like an old friend, the two of them just picking up where they last left off. </p><p>But then, he's always felt that way, ever since the day he saved the lioness. </p><p>"Why are we here, Felix?"</p><p>It's a curious question, Felix blinking up at Dima. Didn't he come up here with him? Would he have come here of his own volition?</p><p>Instead of broaching that topic-- Dima never responds in earnest regardless, hasn't in the five years he's known him-- he answers him, instead. </p><p>"I like this place. Honestly, I've always liked the Temple of Dimitri. It feels like he's watching over me when I'm here. It's nice."</p><p>"He's always watching over you. He likes you."</p><p>The thought makes Felix smile, even if he can't believe it to possibly be true. Wishful thinking, perhaps.</p><p>"You should tell me the real reason, though," Dima says.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"The real reason. That you came here today."</p><p>Feeling his cheeks color, Felix looks askance. Dima isn't wrong, though how he knows as much is a mystery all the same. "On weekdays, Ashe, our slave, normally takes me to see my tutor. But I didn't feel like memorizing poetry today."</p><p>"So you're here."</p><p>"So I'm here," he says, and huffs as his gaze trawls the town, as though he could see his every responsibility laid out before him. </p><p>"It's a nice temple," Dima slowly says. "A good shelter."</p><p>Stretching his legs out from where he's leaning against one of the pillars, Felix allows his gaze to find Dima, who has since gotten up to walk around. His hand moves over the smooth marble of the statue of Dimitri, his head cocked as he stares up at his face.</p><p>"It's a good likeness."</p><p>A snort leaves him. "You say that like you've met him."</p><p>"Hmm."</p><p>"I told father that that's why I want to be a soldier, to make Dimitri proud."</p><p>"You don't think you already do?</p><p>Catching a loose thread at the bottom of his tunic, Felix scowls, wrapping it around his finger before tearing it off. "Any good follower of the God of War would want to go into battle!"</p><p>"Maybe… though I don't understand," Dima says, bare feet carrying his steps across the marble parquet to the altar. "Isn't war enough? Why the sacrifices?"</p><p>"They're to make Dimitri happy."</p><p>"They seem like a waste."</p><p>"Don't say that to anyone else around here. It's a great honor to be sacrificed! We're having a feast day to Dimitri tomorrow, and everyone is very excited."</p><p>"Hmm."</p><p>"Want to come to dinner? You'd get to meet my whole family. We never eat together outside of feast days, so this is special."</p><p>"Maybe," Dima says, and Felix almost believes him.</p><p> </p>
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</div><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>He shouldn't have, he finds out the next day. He's known for some time that Dima is fickle with his visits, not that it should be any surprise. Though Dima seems to know everything there is to know about Felix, the reverse is far from true. He's always been more mystery than man, more questions surrounding his existence than not. </p><p>Where does he live? What are his parents like? Does he even have any? Judging by his clothes, he is either the son of a nobleman, a merchant, or a slave, all depending on the day. </p><p>And yet, Felix knows one thing. </p><p>Dima is the truest friend he's ever had. </p><p> Not that that stops Glenn from spouting his opinion freely over their feast day dinner that evening. </p><p>"Felix has an imaginary friend."</p><p>"I do not! He's real!"</p><p>"Is that why none of us have seen him yet?"</p><p>Jutting out his bottom lip in an exaggerated pout, Felix kicks his brother's shin beneath the table. </p><p>"Just because you don't have eyes doesn't mean he doesn't exist!"</p><p>Rodrigue lets out a long-suffering sigh. "Let's not fight today, boys," he starts, shaking his head. "As soon as we're done eating, I want you both to go out to the shrine, burn some incense, and pour a libation in honor of Dimitri." </p><p>"But Glenn--"</p><p>"I don't want to hear it, Felix. Finish up your meal. You've been pushing the same piece of fish around your plate for the last five minutes. Most children in this city would be lucky to have any. Aren't you looking forward to the sacrifice?"</p><p>Felix grumbles out a response. In truth, he is looking forward to it, even if it would be a great deal more exciting with Dima there. He wants to see the festival in town, the sights and smells and general excitement. </p><p>He just… really wishes Dima was with him.</p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>The feeling stays with him even after they get into town where several festival stalls are selling food, drink, and trinkets as the basket-bearing kanephoroi lead the procession through town. By the time they get into town, sheep, lambs, and goats have already been sacrificed, bulls and oxen standing off to the side. One offertory table is covered with the evidence of the last harvest, wheat and grapes and olives lining it in the hopes of another bountiful one. </p><p>"Has the sacrifice already happened?" he asks his father, his gaze roaming through the crowd in the hopes of perhaps finding Dima somewhere in it. If only he could see him with his family, see evidence of his life, anything to explain his unique character, his way of speaking and generally odd behavior, his habit of simply appearing… </p><p>It would also be nice to introduce him to his parents and his brother. It's not as though his not knowing them has been for lack of trying. Perhaps if he met them, he'd feel more inclined to share facts about himself with Felix, in turn? </p><p>But perhaps that is presumptuous. After all, asking anything of Dima has never resulted in his actually getting answers.</p><p>"Look up, son. Do you see the Temple of Dimitri?"</p><p>His gaze follows his father's finger only to settle on the sacrificial table. No blood upon the stone yet, though plenty of attendants. </p><p>"How do they choose the sacrifice?"</p><p>"They choose the cutest one, of course," Glenn laughs, elbowing Felix with a grin. "So Dimitri can keep them to himself and no one else can have them."</p><p>"Dimitri would never do that!"</p><p>His hair gets ruffled, Felix biting down on the inside of his cheek as his father hands him a sesamous. Much as he hates sweets, he does not hate sesamous, something his father-- evidently-- dearly loves to exploit, crouching down on one knee before his son. </p><p>"They have to find a virgin, Felix. Someone with a pure and spotless reputation, much like the other kanephoroi. It's an important job."</p><p>"But they're just basket-bearers. They just lead a procession."</p><p>Rodrigue hums. "Theirs is an important job, too. It wouldn't do to have someone insulting the gods."</p><p>"Especially Dimitri?" Felix asks, eyes bright.</p><p>"Mm." Rodrigue nods, a small smile on his face. "Especially Dimitri. Winning wars is important."</p><p>The festival is as much of a treat for the senses as ever. It's rare for their mother to get to leave the house even attended by someone, but even for the rest of the family, this is an extraordinary event. Today is a special occasion for all of them.</p><p>It's after some shopping and more food that the sacrifice is announced, a battlecry sounding in the distance, followed by a woman's song. As the crowd quiets, their gaze is inevitably drawn up the hill. The temple is a beautiful sight like this: surrounded by torches and offerary bowls, the rapidly setting sun colors the sky.</p><p>The procession makes their way up the hill slowly, Felix trying to stand on the tips of his toes to watch before he tugs on Rodrigue's chiton. </p><p>"Papa, I can't see."</p><p>Feeling his father lift him up onto his shoulders before taking his hands, Felix feels himself sigh. He wishes Dima were here, that they could hold each other's hand and watch this together. That Felix might be able to introduce him to the culture of the city he seems to know strikingly little about. </p><p>"The woman looks happy," he says, Rodrigue letting out a chuckle.</p><p>"It's a great honor, being chosen as the sacrifice. It's no surprise that she looks happy."</p><p>Felix isn't nearly as convinced of that. Though he's certain it must be an honor, he only has the one life. And while Dimitri would certainly be a worthy recipient of it… there are so many things he still wishes to do, so many people and places he wishes to see. </p><p>With Dima, perhaps. </p><p>His gaze roams the crowd just one more time for a familiar head of blond hair. The sky has darkened completely in the procession's ascent up to the temple, the woman now lying back on the sacrificial table. </p><p>And though he cannot see her face when the knife swings down, he's certain that she must have been smiling.</p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>Everything changes after the Crescent Moon War.</p><p><em>An honor,</em> his father had called it, but it has never felt less like such than now, with the city in mourning. This time, the intended sacrifice is not meant to accompany a feast day, a celebration and thanks to Dimitri, it is a gift of desperation, an offering more plea and prayer than anything else. </p><p><em>Do not allow us to lose again.</em> </p><p>Felix is fifteen years old when their father comes home, looking harried and vaguely ill. The smile on his face as he enters the inner courtyard of their home is as pained as he perhaps hopes it to look happy. </p><p>Glenn has been chosen, he explains. That it is an honor and a joyous thing that he's set to be the next sacrifice for the city, an apology to the God Dimitri. </p><p>There is no reasoning with him.</p><p>Glenn is to die with a smile on his face. </p><p>By the time Dima finds him sitting on the sacrificial table, kicking his legs against the plinth, Felix's cheeks are red-tinged and tear-stained, evidence of a day ill-spent. </p><p>"You seem upset," Dima says, his hand finding his on the table to intertwine. </p><p>"They're going to kill my brother," he says, only barely keeping his voice from cracking. "For this stupid god that made us lose the battle in the first place. And he's-- it's supposed to be an honor? It's so <em>stupid</em>!" he yells, kicking the foundation again, as if he could stomp out its existence in exchange for Glenn's. </p><p>"Felix…"</p><p>"I know! I know what I said! I know I thought it was a good thing before, but-- it's not fair! Why does it have to be him? This wasn't his decision-- no one asked his opinion, he just-- he's a--" Even as his fingers tighten around Dima's, they tremble, and Felix doesn't trust himself to speak for a few moments, his voice shaking as he inhales and exhales, slow and steady. "He wanted to be so much more than this. And now he's going to die? And he's-- and <em>we're</em> all supposed to smile about it!  I hate it! I hate it here, and I hate this stupid god for letting this happen!"</p><p>This time, he does start crying. He feels pathetic, but the rush of tears refuses to slow in their descent down his cheeks as Dima watches him, looking almost as sad as he does. </p><p>"Why are <em>you</em> sad? Your brother isn't dying. You don't-- you don't even have a brother!"</p><p>"I have a sister… sort of. But-- I don't think this god wants Glenn to die, either, Felix. I told you before, I think that the sacrifices are a waste."</p><p>"Well, since you know him so well, I suppose you can go and tell him. And then Glenn won't have to die."</p><p>"I don't think it works that way, Felix. The people will do what they want."</p><p>"Then what good are you!" he yells, hopping off the table to turn on him. "This hurts! I don't-- I don't want to do this, anymore!"</p><p>"I know."</p><p>"You <em>don't</em> know! What do <em>you</em> know, how to disappear for weeks, months at a time?! What kind of friend are you? I don't even know anything about you! Aside from the fact that you apparently have a sister I haven't ever heard about before? You've been my best friend for ten years and I don't know anything even though you know everything there is to know about me!" </p><p>He knows he's being unfair, but it feels like he's unraveling at the very seams. </p><p>"I care about you," Dima tries, his eyes wide and hopeful when they should have been hurt and angry. "Isn't that enough?"</p><p>"No!"</p><p>"Does it matter where I came from or who I am when I'm here with you now and I love you just as you are?"</p><p>"Yes! Because you don't care about me! I hate you!" </p><p>"Felix, don't say that--"</p><p>Dima tries to take his hand, only for it to backfire: Felix pulls away as if burned, then pushes Dima's front once, then twice, until he's pummeling his chest until he collapses, unable to hold himself up straight anymore from all the screaming and crying. The tears won't stop no matter how much he wishes that they would. </p><p>Dima just allows it to happen, and doesn't say a word. </p><p>He just holds him. </p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>Dima doesn't come to see him anymore after that.</p><p>And in the wake of Glenn's death, Felix loses the ability to care about anything at all. </p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>Three years later, he's a politician, just like his father. </p><p>If only Rodrigue was actually proud of him.</p><p>Not that Felix would particularly care either way, not after Rodrigue was willing to sell his family to the state-- to send his oldest son to the executioner in the name of a war they had lost. A hollow, empty sacrifice that robbed Felix of everything he ever cared about in one fell swoop. </p><p>His brother. His best friend. The father he once cared about and can no longer respect.</p><p>For years now, his father has had a daily ritual that starts his every day: He rises before dawn, goes to the small shrine in the courtyard, lights incense, offers a libation, and says a prayer for his family, now down to just the two of them. </p><p>Felix's morning ritual varies only slightly. He, too, rises before dawn only to go to the small shrine. Not to light incense or provide any offerings, but to curse it and spit at the ground before it. </p><p>The god that took his brother's life has no place in his.</p><p>And with no desire to take a wife, he does not see anything changing for him anytime soon. He lends his voice to the political landscape of the city, his opinion loud and proud, and refuses to so much as lift a lance, spear, or sword outside of his own practice, a matter of habit instead of devotion to war or its selfish god. </p><p>Today's town meeting ran well past noon, and by the time Felix leaves the pnyx, the weather has turned sour. </p><p>He finds his feet carrying him up the stairway to the temple before he realizes where he's going, rain pounding down as if the very heavens intend to punish him for his sacrilege. </p><p>The festival yesterday had been a rousing success, the blood of an innocent-- washed away by the rain since then-- once more spilt over the sacrificial table before the temple. He supposes he ought to thank the honor and rank of his name in allowing him to retain his position on the town council in the first place, what with his frequent and ever-fervent opposition to the sacrifices and festivals the town holds so dear. </p><p>Above him, the clouds crackle with lightning and the thunder that follows, his chiton leaving him soaked to the bone by the time he reaches the shelter of the temple, sandaled feet meeting marble. </p><p>The statue of Dimitri before him looms tall and imposing. Though his expression is serene and understated, Felix can only think it a falsehood. A vicious lie, perpetrated by those who would seek to see other innocents slain in the name of, what, a hollow victory? One that will only beget more wars in the future? </p><p>There is no need for a god of war, not in this life or the next.</p><p>"Selfish," he mutters, feeling his eyes sting yet again as he stares at the statue. </p><p>It's been two years since he last saw Dima, and yet his absence-- even in spite of his frequent disappearing acts-- still feels pronounced, his chest cavernous. </p><p>During their last meeting, Dima had said that he loved him. </p><p>In hindsight, Felix can only assume it to have been a lie.</p><p>Spitting on the marble parquet, he marches back out into the rain. </p><p>"Better wet and cold than shielded by lies," he mutters, and doesn't glance back even once. </p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>It's a year later when it happens, but: once more, everything changes.</p><p>If the sun were a person, Felix has always thought that it would be Annette. </p><p>His mother used to think them perfect for each other-- a match made by the very gods in Olympus. Glenn used to mock him for it even as his father would chuckle at their play. </p><p>Even so, Annette has always been a dear friend. </p><p>And when the council announces her selection during the meeting before the next festival, Felix feels his blood first run cold, and then boil. </p><p>Annette. </p><p>Of all the people they could have chosen, they had to choose <em>Annette.</em> Sweet, darling, wonderful Annette, who has never done anything wrong in her life.</p><p>"That is why they chose her," his father tries to explain to him on their way home, Felix throwing a dangerous glower up at the temple of the god who truly seems to have shat on everything good in his life with purpose and intent. "She's pure and good-- the perfect choice for a sacrificial virgin."</p><p>"There are plenty of pure women out there! Annette deserves to live-- you think she wants this, father? Because I--" </p><p>He has always been too quick to cry. Now, he once more feels on the very brink of it, dangerously near the precipice, the intersection between madness and grief where he has resided for the past three years. Sanity eludes him. </p><p>"Glenn didn't want this," he spits out, throwing up his hands as he walks past the threshold into their house, the sounds and smells of lunch cooking spilling out into the courtyard. It's distracting, and yet-- Felix isn't sure he has the appetite to even bother eating Ashe's cooking today.</p><p>"Good day, father," he says, and turns around to head straight back out again. </p><p>He wishes-- wishes Dima was here. </p><p>He'd know just what to say to make him feel better.</p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>Overlooking the city from the top of the hill has always been a favorite pastime of his. This morning, his view is directed at the welcoming dawn in the distance, the cool stone of the sacrificial table having provided his seat for most of the night.</p><p>He's come to a decision, one that he can only hope will change-- if not every mind in Faerghus-- then at least the ones of those who matter. The god Dimitri, his father, Glenn-- anyone that ever thought these sacrifices to be a good, righteous thing. </p><p>And by the time he leaves the temple to make his way down the hill, he feels at peace. </p><p>He will die there in less than a week.</p><p>Strangely enough, he already knows that it will be with a smile. </p><p> </p><p>&amp; </p><p> </p><p>Sunlight glints off the blade, the dagger raised high above his chest. </p><p>Felix can't help but think back; though the council had accepted his decision-- his life in place of Annette's-- his father had been less welcoming. </p><p>As though it would matter that he's already lost one son to this tradition. As though he shouldn't <em>have to</em> lose both of them in their prime. </p><p>As though there's something inherently wrong with it, after all.</p><p>Annette was bereft, of course. Had called him cruel and awful, the very antithesis of a proper virgin sacrifice. She'd even threatened to tell the council that he was an unfit offering to the god, but he'd assured her that there was no one better.</p><p>He had, after all, been assured that this god knew him personally. <em>Loved him,</em> personally.</p><p>Let him be the one to suffer, then. At worst, he'd be saved against his will. At best--</p><p>"I'll get to see Glenn again," he'd told her, smiling as she'd looked up at him through tear-filled eyes. </p><p>"You're awful, Felix."</p><p>"Make sure you remember me that way so you don't miss me too much, all right?" </p><p>She'd accepted the kiss on her forehead only for him to get pelted with a bit of parchment on his way out of her parents' home. </p><p>All the better.</p><p>Let her hate him the same way he'd come to hate the god that had done this to them. </p><p>Lying here now, though, he's finding it hard to hate anything. He finds himself simply… content. Perhaps this is how Glenn felt. He can only hope. </p><p>As the blade arcs down, he does not close his eyes: instead, he welcomes his end, the blood in his lungs that bubbles up in his throat, traitorous. The sunset on the horizon behind the temple feels like his very own  </p><p>Slowly, agonizingly, blissfully slowly, he feels himself falling, consciousness slipping as his blood pools on the stone beneath him. </p><p>And he smiles.</p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>It's dark around him when he wakes, his eyes taking a moment to adjust to his surroundings. Much as he doesn't recognize it, it feels oddly familiar. </p><p>There is grass beneath his feet, he realizes a moment later, and a coin on his tongue, his chiton stained with the blood of his death, a hole in the fabric a welcome reminder. </p><p>Ah. </p><p>So the god did not choose to save him, then, and Dima had been wrong.</p><p>Pushing down his disappointment, he considers his surroundings. He is… in a queue, souls of the dead ahead of and behind him. One of them, he realizes, is missing a limb. Another memory strikes him, then. </p><p>He is Felix Hugo Fraldarius, son of Rodrigue and brother to Glenn. He despises the god and the wars he endorses. </p><p>His death, he remembers, was meaningless. </p><p>Withdrawing the coin from his mouth, fingers tighten around it in his palm. With a step forward, he realizes that this soul can walk just fine. It is mostly corporeal, in fact-- to himself, at least. If he can touch others or others can touch him remains a mystery, but he is not about to put it up to the test. </p><p>Instead, he takes another step forward and takes in the future that awaits him.</p><p>The river is dark, putrid, and ominous, something <em>wrong</em> lingering beneath the surface, though the ferry atop the waters appears little bothered. </p><p>The same can be said of the ferryman. </p><p>Though souls appear to climb onto the ferry one by one, it never appears to truly fill up. They simply… disappear.</p><p>One last step forward. </p><p>Handing Charon his coin, Felix tries to ignore the rags, the sunken eyes, the skeletal structure as he-- it?-- begins to push the boat along past the river with his pole. The closer he looks at the river itself, the more unsettling it becomes. There are… bodies, he thinks, beneath the surface-- souls, threatening, fighting to break past the boundary. Occasionally, a hand pierces the water, scrambling for purchase only to sink below the waves once more. </p><p>Looking back at Charon now, he appears like death itself, his eyes like hollow furnaces aflame, only the rags of his cloak keeping his skeletal appearance hidden. </p><p>Strangely, oddly, there is no one else in the ferry. Only when he steps off the boat and leaves the river Styx behind is he met with other souls again, the Hall of Judgment awaiting his ultimate decree. </p><p>Wherever he ends up, he thinks, he'd like to be with Glenn again. If he can't see Glenn-- well, really, what would have even been the point?</p><p>The path to the Hall is a slow one, and he realizes that there's a reason for it. After all, when dead-- there really is no point to rushing anything. </p><p>It's almost a nice thought. He has… an infinite amount of time. </p><p>He simply <em>is.</em> </p><p>No pressure, no expectations. What would Rodrigue think of him now, he wonders, a smile coloring his features as he steps into the hallowed hall to be judged. </p><p>Before him, and him alone, sit the gods Rhea, Seteth, and Hanneman. Their thrones are as nearly as tall as he is, though none is taller than Rhea as she gazes down at him in judgment. </p><p>"A curious case, to be sure."</p><p>"A heroic sacrifice, yes, but-- done for the wrong reasons, was it not?"</p><p>"And yet, heroic, nevertheless."</p><p>"I suppose he'd like it if his actions were interpreted thusly?"</p><p>"No, I don't imagine he would."</p><p>"Ever the contrarian, wasn't he? And after so much aid and kindness…"</p><p>"Ah, but we could never send him to Tartarus, could he? Not after the sacrifice, the rescue of that sweet girl."</p><p>"Was it a mercy, though? Or was it a punishment? A good deed done for the wrong reasons is hardly any good at all."</p><p>"He believed her to want to live, did he not? And he…"</p><p>"Yes, he, too, wished to live."</p><p>"I do wonder… his motivations seem rather selfish."</p><p>"Yes, but aren't all? Is there a single selfless reason in this world, truly?"</p><p>"Then I suppose the question is between the Asphodel Meadows or the Elysium Fields? No eternal hellfire for a hero, after all, even if his actions were selfish."</p><p>"As are all."</p><p>"As are all."</p><p>"But where to put him..."</p><p>"He wishes to be with his esteemed brother. If his brother were in the Asphodel Meadows, I would think it to be reasonable to put him in Elysium-- a punishment of sorts while allowing him eternal bliss."</p><p>"We cannot deal in hypotheticals. It hardly seems a matter worth discussing."</p><p>"It is not a solution available to us."</p><p>"It is not."</p><p>"But he did come here with ill intent, did he not?"</p><p>"Insulting one of the gods, no less."</p><p>"The meadows it is, then."</p><p>The interruption draws all eyes, a large, imposing figure going to stand by Felix's side. Though larger than him, he looks… perfectly human like this.</p><p>Felix recognizes this man; his face, his shape--</p><p>"Dimitri," he hears himself mutter, anger flaring up at the realization even as he finds his voice working for the first time in several long moments. The debate, after all, was not for him to be a part of. But Dimitri's inclusion-- </p><p>Dimitri didn't save him, didn't care enough to. Why is he even here?</p><p>But Dimitri's attention remains on the audience before him. No-- before them. </p><p>"Forgive me, council, but I cannot allow this judgment. The man before you is my chosen. I insist that he be treated as such."</p><p>"After he has treated you with such disdain?"</p><p>Dimitri shakes his head. "It matters not to me."</p><p>Doubt crosses Rhea's features.</p><p>"I see."</p><p>"He matters far more to me than my pride."</p><p>Rhea stares at him for a long moment before her gaze pivots over to Felix with the same… he supposes the only word for it is <em>disdain.</em></p><p>Not that Felix can blame her. Everything they've said is true. And he doesn't know why Dimitri would waste his time on him. He <em>has</em> been dreadful to him. Hardly deserving of a hero's welcome in the Underworld. </p><p>"Very well," she says slowly. "I suppose the Elysium Fields is the only place for him, in that case?"</p><p>"Please," Dimitri says, Felix left to turn his gaze on him. </p><p>"I don't need preferential treatment," he spits, jaw set even as Rhea finds it in her to smile.</p><p>"Ah, would you look at that? We've found a suitable punishment for you, after all."</p><p>The scene dissolves in an instant, as though he is waking from a rather vivid dream. Except, in this instance, the dream he awakens within is far more vibrant, far more beautiful than reality ever was. </p><p>The first thing he feels is the sea breeze, cool but comfortable on his skin. A lake lays before him, the most beautiful, crystalline blue he's ever seen. From here, he can see the very floor of it, creatures swimming within it as the sun bounces and ripples on the surface. </p><p>He does not… deserve to be here. The only reason he's here--</p><p>The only reason he's here is because <em>Dimitri vouched for him.</em></p><p>The one god in all of creation he loathes more than any other. Rhea had been right. This is a punishment. Feeling like he hasn't earned his place in paradise? Being treated to a <em>pity</em> stay here by the very god whose altar he spat at every morning and night?</p><p>It's <em>insulting.</em></p><p>"Felix."</p><p>Turning to look at the voice behind him, Felix feels a slow, reluctant smile come over his features.</p><p>"Glenn."</p><p>"You look less than pleased to see me."</p><p>"I am dead."</p><p>"And so young, too. Far too soon, no doubt?"</p><p>"Where is that tongue of yours now?"</p><p>"Oh, I'm sorry, should I be asking you where your imaginary friend has gone off to?"</p><p>"He's--" </p><p>Feeling his cheeks color, Felix pushes himself off of the bed of moss beneath him to get a proper look at his brother. He looks… good. Happy.</p><p>"Obviously, that friendship ended with your death."</p><p>"I must say that I'm surprised to see you in Elysium."</p><p>"Would you fuck off? I die and that's all you have to say to me?"</p><p>Glenn smiles in earnest then, his hands moving to Felix's shoulders. "It's good to see you, Felix. Even if you should have lived a longer life."</p><p>"Always with the criticism-- would it kill you to just say one nice thing?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>Felix scoffs. "Figures."</p><p>"Come; the ambrosia is even better than in the stories."</p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>Glenn, frustrating as it may be, turns out to have been right. The ambrosia is far better than any of the stories have foretold. The food here is better than any on earth-- not too sweet, either, Felix eating with gusto once they do finally seat themselves to eat, Glenn still looking at him as though three years could have possibly changed him all that much.</p><p>"How is our father doing? You should tell me."</p><p>"... I'd really rather not."</p><p>"Do your dead brother a favor, would you?"</p><p>"I'm just as dead as you are, if you hadn't noticed."</p><p>"Then I suppose I ought to claim seniority," Glenn says with a chuckle. </p><p>"You've always had that, you're the older brother."</p><p>"So?"</p><p>"It's unfair, is what it is." Slouching back in his seat-- his back doesn't hurt, he notices vaguely, the chair changing shape to contour to his body-- he sighs, allowing himself to look out over the landscape. It is truly a beautiful view. Perhaps he ought to explore it sometime-- with Glenn. There has to be more to see, more to explore. "What do you do around here?"</p><p>"Anything I want. Anything at all. I'm never bored, if you can believe it. I'm just... content." A beat. "And you still haven't told me about father."</p><p>"Sounds boring," Felix says, pointedly ignoring the statement about their father. </p><p>"You would say that, wouldn't you?"</p><p>"I only ended up here because--" Felix grits his teeth, almost annoyed at the lack of pain from it. "Because that fucking god wanted me to. Apparently I didn't earn it myself? Getting sacrificed wasn't enough--"</p><p>"You, too?" Glenn asks, sitting up in seeming alarm as Felix shrugs. "Surely you jest; father must be bereft."</p><p>"Father? He authorized your sacrifice. His favored son. Surely he must be content to know that we'll all be joined again in death."</p><p>"If you think father did not care for you just as much as he cared for me, then you are a fool, Felix. To lose both of his sons--" Falling back in his seat once more, he shakes his head, taking a moment to savor his drink. "I cannot even imagine his pain."</p><p>"Can't feel it, either, can you? There's no pain here, no-- sadness. How do you even feel alive?"</p><p>"I don't, Felix. We're dead. It would hardly make sense for us to feel alive, would it?"</p><p>"I came here thinking life a pointless venture, a playground for the gods to chase us around and mock us, torment us until they had their fill of playing with their toys. Now I'm here and find death a mockery, as well. The gods really did wish to punish me by sending me here. Eternal boredom? Nothing but contentment? I've had enough of this."</p><p>Standing, resolute, Felix walks off, his stride fast enough to hopefully dissuade Glenn from following him. </p><p>Elysium <em>is</em> beautiful, that much he certainly cannot deny. With every color under the sun spread out before him, he supposes it would be hard to feel anything other than contentment. </p><p>Not so for Felix, though. </p><p>All the blues, greens, and violets of the afterlife couldn't possibly appease him. </p><p>He didn't even manage to upset his god. Didn't even manage to so much as wound his enormous ego. </p><p>Which means that Dima was wrong, all those years ago. If the god loved him, he would have cared, would have been hurt by his sacrifice. Would have wept for him or tried to put a stop to it. </p><p>Where Glenn feels naught but contentment, Felix feels nothing but bitterness and contempt-- anger not only at his god, but at himself and his own foolishness. What has he gained, if anything? Closure? Vindication? </p><p>Nothing. He has gained nothing. </p><p>A peacock strolls through a nearby gazebo, Felix moving to sit at the edge of the lake, allowing his feet to dangle into the water. It's neither too hot, nor too cold. There's no need for it to be refreshing, because everything is… temperate. </p><p>He is, put quite simply, perfectly comfortable. </p><p>Glenn might not feel boredom, but already the languor stabs at his guts, annoyingly soft blades of grass brushing up against the back of his hands, his wrists, his forearms, and not even tickling him in the process. </p><p>Allowing himself to fall back into the soft cushion of the ground, Felix closes his eyes. No impact. </p><p>If there is no pain, what is the point in any pleasure? Is he supposed to delight in being able to rest after the struggles of living? His life never felt like much of a struggle-- more like bitter drudgery following Glenn's death and the loss of--</p><p>Oh. </p><p>For the first time in a long time, he finds that he misses Dima. </p><p>He hadn't wanted to see him after what happened, not at first, but… </p><p>Felix had never been particularly adept at making friends. Of course life without Dima there-- even if it was only once in a while, even if he did know so very little about him while Dima knew everything there was to know about him-- was bound to turn into drudgery. </p><p>An old, familiar sense of dread, once thought long-buried, crops up again unbidden. </p><p>What if Dima died? </p><p>The thought had been too painful to even consider at first. Having just lost Glenn, it would have been an insurmountable loss for him to swallow. </p><p>But then, Dima hadn't shown up for a month. Then two. As if he'd taken his claims of hatred-- ones borne from frustration and grief-- entirely seriously. </p><p>He'd always been against the sacrifices. What would Dima have thought if he'd known that Felix would become one? Would he have thought less of him? Would he have grieved, as Felix never allowed himself to? </p><p>Perhaps he should have. Losing Dima, though a gradual matter of acceptance, had taken an undeniable toll on him. His best friend, gone just like that. As if he'd disappeared overnight.</p><p>And while he'd always been an odd one-- saying weird things, disappearing and appearing at random, always when most necessary and most convenient-- Felix had never taken him for one who would abandon a friend, especially a good friend. </p><p>So then, maybe he had died. </p><p>The thought of the afterlife brightens almost immediately. Would Dima be here? Could he find him? </p><p>Guilt hits him like a bad aftertaste a mere moment later. What if Dima hadn't wished to die? Should he really be celebrating his death, their ability to be together forever here? </p><p>Worse, still-- what if he hadn't been lucky enough to end up in Elysium? Could he travel to see him, plead with the judges to reassign him once more? The thought of abandoning his brother hurt just the same, and yet--</p><p>He was put here as a punishment, the thought felt more keenly with every passing second. Even if Dima is here-- which is looking increasingly unlikely, a twenty-five percent chance at most considering how little Felix knew about his life-- finding him would be a challenge all on its own. There are no guides here, no entrances or exits. </p><p>Letting out a sigh, he allows his eyes to open. Light as it is, he can make out no sun in the sky, no moon to exist as its complement. He should feel bored. He does, really. And yet-- </p><p>It's as though this place doesn't allow for it, hasn't been made for it.</p><p>He misses Dima. Nothing about this would feel boring with him.</p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>He ends up finding Glenn reclining on a klinai, a cluster of grapes in one hand, the other aiding to prop him up on some pillows.</p><p>"Someone's comfortable."</p><p>"As if you aren't."</p><p>He can't deny it. This whole time, he's been nothing but comfortable.</p><p>"It's boring."</p><p>"You act like you're going to appeal the judges' decision to send you here. One could call you too privileged, you know, complaining about not having anything to complain about. In fact, one should. Felix, you're too privileged."</p><p>"Listen," he starts, not even bothering to try to deny Glenn's completely correct accusation, "how would I find out if there's someone here?"</p><p>"What do you mean? Like a… late relative?"</p><p>Felix chews on his bottom lip. "No," he says, unwilling to offer anything more.</p><p>Thinking it over, Glenn frowns. "I'm honestly not sure. I haven't felt the need. At one point I missed our grandfather, but, not a minute later, I looked up to find him beside me. Perhaps if you wish it enough?"</p><p>"Hm." </p><p>He'd have preferred someone to go and ask, in truth, Felix's gaze darting around to a small thermal bath, a few people he doesn't recognize lounging within. One of them appears to notice his gaze, throwing Felix a smile and a wave that he doesn't decide to return. </p><p>He's wished for Dima's presence here twice now, hasn't he? At least. Perhaps not hard enough, though. </p><p>"Is there a temple around here?"</p><p>"There's a small shrine on the opposite side of the lake."</p><p>Looking to where Glenn is gesturing, Felix scowls. "Looks like quite a walk. How long does it take?"</p><p>Glenn smiles. "Does it matter?"</p><p>He supposes that it doesn't. </p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>Time passes differently here in the Underworld, with Felix alternating between feeling as though he's flying or wading through. It's all the same, though. Glenn is right. None of it matters, everything is comfortable. Even the walk is irritatingly pleasant. </p><p>He's never been a particularly religious sort, his former devotion to Dimitri aside. But that had been a mistake, of course. No one deserved such blind obedience, least of all a god willing to accept innocent virgins as sacrifices to punish the people. And so it's been a long time since he's been at any sort of temple in earnest. But if there's no one to ask a question in person… </p><p>Then he's determined to demand one from the gods. </p><p>Depending on how long it's been since his arrival down here-- it could have been a month by now or only a few hours, it feels impossible to tell, in truth-- perhaps Dima could arrive at any moment. Could he plead with the gods, the judges to allow him to come to Elysium? Though he could not speak for his actions in life, he could at least speak for his character. Earnest, kind, ceaselessly selfless--</p><p>If he is here, but simply in another realm, perhaps he could beg to be allowed to retrieve him, to fight his way through the meadows and Tartarus alike. To drag Dima back to him from the very pits of hell. </p><p>The shrine he arrives at is larger than he'd expected from afar, Felix looking down at the omphalos with a sigh.</p><p>It's been such a very long time, it almost feels insulting now for him to ask for anything.</p><p>Lighting incense and pouring a libation, Felix bows his head, not even entirely sure what he's expecting. To actually hear from the gods, for once? To be greeted with answers instead of deafening silence? </p><p>He expects nothing, and yet he's still certain he'll be disappointed all the same.</p><p>"Felix."</p><p>Ah. So someone did answer his summons.</p><p>The voice behind him sounds far too familiar for him not to have an inkling already, and a moment later, he knows. <em>Dimitri. </em></p><p>Dima had been right-- the statue at the Temple of Dimitri is a good likeness, though Felix had not expected the god to be so irritatingly handsome. </p><p>"Tch. I should have known."</p><p>"That I would come to your aid? Of course. You… you have always been favored by me. My… favorite."</p><p><em>Favored. Favorite.</em> Felix has to fight the urge to scoff. </p><p>"Your favorite. Is that why you let me die?"</p><p>"Felix."</p><p>"First my brother, now me-- when will you be satisfied with your virgins? You <em>disgust</em> me."</p><p>Dimitri's face falls, looking every bit like a kicked puppy. Can gods feel grief, he wonders? Remorse? Can <em>Dimitri?</em> He doubts it.</p><p>"I didn't wish for it to be you. I didn't-- I didn't wish for any of it."</p><p>He almost sounds broken enough for Felix to believe him.</p><p>"I have no need for your theatrics. Keep your whining to yourself. If you were so dissatisfied, you should have put a stop to it.”</p><p>Dimitri lets out a sigh. "It's not that simple. Sacrifices were happening regardless of the outcomes of battles and wars. If you won, you assumed that I was pleased with you, and a sacrifice was made in my honor. If you lost, you assumed it a result of my wrath, and a sacrifice was offered in hope of appeasing me. What was I to do? I attempted to entreat the elders of your community personally in human form, but no one listened. And I couldn't very well appear in my true form."</p><p>It's annoying that he has a good point. Dima had expressed a similar one during their last meeting, hadn't he? That the gods couldn't simply control the actions of humans to suit their needs and wishes. </p><p>Which unfortunately means that it wasn't Dimitri's fault that Glenn died-- not directly, at any rate.</p><p>It also means that his death was entirely pointless. </p><p>"I hope you realize that this changes nothing for me. Your mere existence slaughters and gores the people like a wild boar-- whether through war or sacrifice, it makes no difference. I still despise you." </p><p>More now, he thinks, the god hanging his head. Where vindication once rested in his chest, bitterness has taken hold, instead. A pointless death. Not that of a hero. </p><p>And yet, he's here-- a place he shouldn't be in the first place. Because he's <em>undeserving.</em> The air cloys sweetly, so much so that it makes him think of sesamous, and the festivals during which his father would buy them for him and Glenn. </p><p>The same festivals that he wanted to attend with Dima. </p><p>"Where's Dima?" he asks, his words more accusation than question.</p><p>Dimitri blinks. "I-- what?"</p><p>"Is he still alive? Is he here? Do I need to beg to be taken to Tartarus to find him and pull him out of his suffering?"</p><p>"... ah." A soft, somewhat sad smile comes over Dimitri's features as Felix leans back against one of the pillars, arms crossed in front of his chest. "He is… alive, in a way."</p><p>"<em>In a way?</em> What the fuck does that mean?" </p><p>"He misses you."</p><p>For just a moment, Felix stares, disbelief taking over his features. "Well then why did he leave?"</p><p>"He thought you didn't like him anymore."</p><p>"I-- obviously I didn't mean that! I was just upset--" Throwing his hands up, he turns away to rake a hand through his hair. Why is he even telling him all of this? "I always knew he was odd, but -- I always thought he at least knew what he meant to me. He was my best friend, and he just, what, left without saying a word? Did I really mean that little to him?"</p><p>"You meant the world to him. And he was heartbroken when you told him you hated him."</p><p>Ah. He… does remember saying that, he supposes. In hindsight, the memory stings, Felix turning around more fully as he feels tears sting at his eyes. </p><p>"If I died with him truly thinking I hated him…" </p><p>"It's not too late," Dimitri supplies, his voice still soft and far too kind, kinder than he deserves. "I-- ah… in truth, I came here to take you back."</p><p>"Back? What are you talking about?"</p><p>"Back to… where you belong, among the living."</p><p>He cannot be serious.</p><p>"I made this decision knowing it couldn't be easily changed on a whim. That was a price I paid when I took Annette's place. It would be cowardly for me to go back on my word now. What would I even tell people? That I'm back from the dead? The god of war himself has torn me out of Elysium out of… what, pity? Selfishness? A need to always be right, to get everything you want?"</p><p>"You seemed to have regrets," Dimitri says somewhat sheepishly. "And Dima really does miss you-- needs you."</p><p>"Need me? He's done just fine without me, or he would have chosen me over his-- his pride or his fear of rejection, whatever it was that was keeping him, and come back."</p><p>"He's been lost without you. You meant more to him than you know."</p><p>He's not sure what's worse, knowing in his heart that Dimitri is telling the truth, or the guilt over not trying harder to find him again. Perhaps he could have done something-- left a message at their favorite spot to let him know that he didn't mean it, that he never hated him?</p><p>The guilt feels suffocating.<br/>
<br/>
"And I'm… what, supposed to believe that you can just… magic me out of here? Just like that?"</p><p>"Of course not. I-- <em>we--</em> will have to make an appeal."</p><p>"We."</p><p>"It should never be too easy a thing to reverse, death. It is an honor to even be considered."</p><p>Felix sighs. It's not the worst thought in the world, being granted a second chance, the opportunity to see his father and Dima and Annette again. The downside is the fact that the boar is offering it, like a carrot on a stick, as though it should make up for the myriad atrocities committed in his name. </p><p>"Fine. So go and have me be considered. And I'll decide after how I feel about coming back to life."</p><p>"You would have to come with me. Please understand, it is not a decision one should make lightly. It is a journey, Felix."</p><p>"Aren't you a god? Wouldn't you be able to just show up there anytime you wanted?"</p><p>"I would, yes. You would not."</p><p>Felix grits his teeth. </p><p>"Either you are committed to it, or you are not. But I cannot make the decision for you."</p><p>"That's a first," he mutters, though there's no heat in it, Felix turning away to glare at the sky, the wispy clouds only serving to highlight the myriad of colors behind them. "And it wouldn't even be guaranteed, right?"</p><p>Dimitri hangs his head. "Yes. The judges would make a decision. But… you would have me by your side."</p><p>He scoffs. He'd rather not. "How long is this journey supposed to take, exactly?"</p><p>"It varies from person to person. But I have never heard of it being easy, and most people in Elysium do not choose to undergo it."</p><p>Well. He's always welcomed a challenge.</p><p>"I need to talk to Glenn."</p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>"I think you should do it," Glenn says, a half-eaten strawberry perched between his fingers. "If your god is offering you the chance to go back to living your life, I don't see why you wouldn't. It's clear you aren't too fond of Elysium just yet. Not enough of the right people here." </p><p>"Tch." Felix scoffs, fighting the urge to roll his eyes at his dead brother. As though disrespect should truly matter here, now. "You always did act like you knew everything."</p><p>"I'm your older brother. Of course I know everything."</p><p>"You're dead, in case you've forgotten." Not that it seems to have made him any less annoying. Naturally. </p><p>"I still know more than you do. I'm older."</p><p>He really doesn't need to look so smug about it.</p><p>"Technically speaking, <em>I'm</em> older. I was alive five more years after you died."</p><p>"Technically."</p><p>This time, Felix does roll his eyes, throwing his hands up. "Fine. Not like I wanted to spend the afterlife with you, anyway, asshole."</p><p>"You'll be back," Glenn tells him, the words making an uncomfortably warm, happy feeling spread throughout his chest and his stomach. "I don't mind waiting a little longer for my baby brother."</p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>"Fine," he says upon his return to the boar, arms crossed defiantly across his chest, "but I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for Dima."</p><p>A sad smile comes over Dimitri's features that he can't riddle out the meaning of. Why would he care? Is it really so surprising that he'd choose to do this for his childhood best friend instead of for a god whom he's never met and who has only caused him pain, however inadvertently?</p><p>"I do hope you are also doing it for yourself," he says, moving to stand.</p><p>"Does it matter?"</p><p>A sigh. "I suppose not." Looking out over the Lethean fields, a pleasant breeze blowing past them, he turns to Felix. "Do you trust me?" </p><p>"Not even a little bit."</p><p>Dimitri smiles. "Then… I suppose you have no choice but to come with me and hope for the best all the same."</p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>Their journey through Elysium is quiet, peaceful. The surroundings make for a truly pleasant atmosphere, the two of them passing by all manner of creatures along their route. More than tedious, the journey is relaxing, almost invigorating. Unlike before, Felix can't really complain about how nice everything is anymore. Though Elysium may feel stagnant, frozen in time, he feels anything but. Once in a while, Dimitri will stop to pet an animal, regardless of how small and insignificant. </p><p>It borders on irritating. </p><p>Who would have thought that the god of war, of all deities, would be such a softy? </p><p>Right now, it's a peacock, Dimitri crouching down to pet its beak. </p><p>"Did you say your goodbyes to Glenn?" he asks, the first thing he's said to Felix since they set off. </p><p>"No, I just thought I'd cruelly surprise him by disappearing without a word. <em>Of course</em> I told him."</p><p>"I'm sure he'll miss you."</p><p>Felix sighs, shaking his head, the motion bordering on dismissive. "He'll see me again soon enough. I'm sure even a whole lifetime passes in the blink of an eye when you're here, gorging yourself on all the strawberries the afterlife has to offer."</p><p>Giving the peacock a goodbye pet-- <em>ridiculous--</em> Dimitri moves to stand, a bemused smile on his face.</p><p>"They're his favorites," Felix explains, not sure why he's bothering to explain at all as he falls back into step alongside Dimitri as though it's the most natural thing in the world. </p><p>Ugh. </p><p>Plucking an orange from a tree, he holds it out to Felix with a smile, one he promptly rejects with a scowl of his own.</p><p>"I'm fine. I don't need to eat here, anyway."</p><p>"You may wish to regardless, indulge while you still can," he says, biting into the orange with a shrug as Felix is left blinking. "Once we reach the fields," Dimitri continues, undaunted by the fact that he's eating an orange all wrong, "it won't be this nice anymore."</p><p>"Ugh," he says, out loud this time. "Fine."</p><p>"And if you find that you want to rest—"</p><p>"I don’t want to rest, boar."</p><p>"— if you find that you <em>need</em> to rest, just tell me. I will gladly ensure that you might be able to safely continue our journey."</p><p>Silence descends once more. There’s really nothing cruel one can unfairly declare about such earnest kindness. </p><p>And that is part of the problem, isn’t it? Even in spite of all his unjustified hatred, Dimitri has been unerringly kind to him. He doesn’t appreciate handouts from anyone, but especially not the god he was sacrificed to. </p><p>It's strange. Considering all the things he's learned about Dimitri over his time spent alive, kind is the very opposite of what he might have expected. Kindness and rage have always been antithetical, but now that he's standing beside him, Felix feels far more like a personification of the latter in comparison, the very qualities he'd ascribed to Dimitri for the last several years. </p><p>It makes no sense.</p><p>"Why are you doing this?" Felix finally asks, his features drawn into a scowl. </p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"You’re doing all this for an ungrateful follower who has treated you with nothing but contempt. Why? Are you a masochist?"</p><p>Dimitri lets out a chuckle, the sound soft, bordering on melancholy. </p><p>"You’ve always been my favorite. And I would have gone into the very depths of Tartarus to save you."</p><p>It’s so painfully earnest, enough so that it leaves Felix shaken.</p><p>"You don't need to go to such lengths for me. Or-- anyone, for that matter. It's creepy."</p><p>"I have been invested in your happiness for a long time now, Felix. I apologize if you perceive it to be distasteful."</p><p>"For a long time? I haven't even been alive for that long. <em>Wasn't</em> alive for that long."</p><p>"You've been alive for longer than you realize."</p><p>What a wonderfully cryptic thing to say. </p><p>"Don't tell me I've been reincarnated."</p><p>"Hmm."</p><p>"Even if that person-- those <em>people--</em> existed, it doesn't mean that they were me. Or anything like me. Don't project your lost hopes and dreams on the dead, it's insulting. I'm me, no one else."</p><p>"Ah." Dimitri smiles, grabbing a lemon off of a tree to play with in his hands. "Of all the times I met you, you have been… my favorite iteration by far."</p><p>"I told you, those people weren't me."</p><p>"Of course." Tossing the lemon for Felix to catch, he smiles, warm. "Still."</p><p>"Why did you give me this? What am I supposed to do with a single lemon?"</p><p>"Eat it, of course."</p><p>"Is this a joke? Are you actually insane? I suppose you'd suggest that I eat this with the peel, too?"</p><p>"Whyever not?"</p><p>He's tempted to chuck it at his head. </p><p>"Too fucking sour. And-- too fucking bitter, if I'm eating <em>the peel.</em> By Dimitri, you're really--"</p><p>He catches himself, Dimitri turning to stare at him.</p><p>"Don't look at me," he says, and tosses the lemon back.</p><p>Naturally, Dimitri takes a bite out of it without question, peel and all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By the time Dimitri hands Felix the sixth fruit on their trip thus far-- an apple-- he's more than a little annoyed, snatching it out of Dimitri's hands with a glower. </p>
<p>"Is that all that this stupid place has to offer? Fruit? I have no idea why Glenn would want to stay here."</p>
<p>"You asked him if he wished to leave?"</p>
<p>Ah. Clearly he overshared. Letting out an irritated huff, Felix throws a glare toward the boar. "Of course I did. It's what any decent brother would have done. He died for a worthless cause, too."</p>
<p>"But he did not wish it?"</p>
<p>"No. Evidently he likes it here. Doesn't mind waiting for me to die all over again."</p>
<p>"I… am sorry that you will have to miss him again."</p>
<p>"It's his loss, not mine."</p>
<p>It isn't, not really. The guilt over his absence still gnaws at Felix, a reminder of all he's lost, the very reason he ended up down here in the first place. It feels like he's chosen Dima over Glenn, which he supposes is true. </p>
<p>Interrupting his thoughts, a bit of sesamous on a stick is held in front of his face, Felix blinking.</p>
<p>"Don't tell me you plucked this off of a tree, too."</p>
<p>"Of course not. I created it."</p>
<p>"You're telling me you could have created anything you wanted this whole time and instead you've been handing me all manner of fruit?"</p>
<p>"The fruit here is delicious," he says with a shrug, slowing to a stop before crouching down to hold his hand out for a small cat to sniff. </p>
<p>Oh. </p>
<p>"Well," he starts, taking a bite out of his sesamous as he takes a few hesitant steps forward, "for the record, I prefer meat. I don't… like sweet things."</p>
<p>"You do. You just don't like people to know."</p>
<p>Feeling his cheeks flush and the back of his neck heat up, Felix crosses his arms in front of his chest. Why does this fucker have to be a god, again? He's tempted to chuck the sesamous into the grass out of spite alone. Instead, he takes another bite, the flavor bringing back years of memories with Glenn.  </p>
<p>"If you're so all-knowing and all-powerful, is there a reason you haven't magicked something up out of thin air to make this trip more entertaining? You offered me the chance to rest, which I <em>don't</em> need, when we could have stopped to spar."</p>
<p>"You'd like to spar?"</p>
<p>Why does he sound so surprised? Doesn't he know everything about him?</p>
<p>"Obviously. But not yet. Right now, I'd like to pet this cat."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The cat has refused to leave Dimitri's lap for a good while now, proving that this is far less of a heaven than he was promised, Felix obstinately sitting beside him in the hopes of the cat moving over to him.</p>
<p>Instead, he's stuck leaning over to pet it where it's curled up on Dimitri's crossed legs-- legs which, granted, are bigger and cushier-looking than his much bonier ones. Still. It's annoying.</p>
<p>"You like cats?" Dimitri asks, Felix's brow furrowing in response.</p>
<p>"Stop poking around in my head. I don't appreciate it."</p>
<p>"I hardly need to poke around in your head for that. It would be hard not to notice, considering that you merely tolerated my pauses for the other animals along our journey. And," he continues, a smile coloring his features, "this is the closest you've come to me thus far."</p>
<p>He supposes that the boar is right, at least in that regard. They <em>are</em> close like this, something that Felix, for once, doesn't begrudge-- at least not terribly.</p>
<p>"I suppose."</p>
<p>"You don't mind?"</p>
<p>Does he mind <em>sitting near him?</em> The question is so utterly bizarre that it throws him for a moment. Yes, he hates the god, but he doesn't <em>hate</em> him. Not really.</p>
<p>After all, it wasn't even his fault that people felt the need to sacrifice him and his brother in the name of his appeasement. If he tried to get people to stop…</p>
<p>"Shut up," he says instead. "Obviously not, or I wouldn't be sitting here right now."</p>
<p>Well, no. That's not entirely true. The cat in his lap is still very much the reason for his presence, but if he genuinely hated the thought of sitting close to Dimitri, he simply wouldn't.</p>
<p>So he's here. The cat is purring beneath his hand, his fingers scritching into its fur in a way he hopes to be satisfying-- that it isn't simply purring on the merit of being near Dimitri. </p>
<p>What's so special about him, anyway?</p>
<p>Looking up at him, he allows his gaze to roam his features for a moment. Chiseled jaw, strong cheekbones, hair that looks to be finely-spun as silk… </p>
<p>If this is truly what he looks like, he supposes that Dimitri is almost… handsome.</p>
<p>It's irritating.</p>
<p>"Is that really what you look like," he finally asks, Dimitri blinking as he turns his gaze up at him.</p>
<p>"Pardon?"</p>
<p>"I've heard legends. Of people meeting the gods as they truly are. Some were horrified, some died-- so I want to know about you. Is this your true form? Or are you just wearing a mask?"</p>
<p>Dimitri sighs. "Would you truly care for a duel? Or was that a lie?"</p>
<p>"Of course it wasn't a lie. I would never turn down a duel with a capable opponent, Your Beastliness. You should know as much, considering that you evidently know everything about me."</p>
<p>"It's hardly so simple. While I can grasp the information as I require it, I try not to… invade your privacy in such a way. I am not simply… aware of everything about everyone."</p>
<p>"Aren't you <em>a god?</em>"</p>
<p>Dimitri sighs, weariness seemingly drawn from his very bones. "We're just as fallible as the rest of you. It's simply a matter of… access, I suppose. You have access to libraries, teachers, friends-- in theory, we are much the same in that regard. The nature of the information and the speed at which he can learn it simply… differs slightly."</p>
<p>It makes a frustrating amount of sense. </p>
<p>"You still haven't told me about your true form."</p>
<p>"This is my true form," Dimitri says, lifting up the cat to press a soft kiss to its adorable little head before setting it down and moving to stand. </p>
<p>A blade materializes in his hand as surely as if he'd placed it there himself. Giving it a few practice swings, Felix scowls. </p>
<p>"You could have made a sword for me all this time, and instead you kept handing me <em>food?</em> Foolish boar."</p>
<p>"There is more joy to be found in food than you think, Felix." With a lance in his own hand, Dimitri gestures at the space between them. "Losing against me… it would not be a dishonor upon you or your name. You know this, don't you?"</p>
<p>Losing against a god, let alone a god of <em>war?</em> He supposes Dimitri has a point that he might be somewhat outmatched.</p>
<p>And yet… there are few things that would feel more gratifying to him, he thinks, than winning against him. Precisely because of how vastly outmatched he is-- how vastly outmatched he <em>should</em> be. </p>
<p>"If you do lose against me… don't let it be too painful a blow to your pride, boar."</p>
<p>Dimitri actually <em>laughs,</em> a soft, bright chuckle that makes him happier to hear than it should. Is this part of what being a god is? The ability to simply affect the emotions of those around them?</p>
<p>It's a ridiculous notion, and yet he cannot discount it entirely, not when the sight of a smile on Dimitri's face, rare and precious, makes him feel joy, as well.</p>
<p>"I… do believe I will be able to handle it. But thank you, Felix. You are very kind."</p>
<p>"It's not <em>kind,</em> I'm mocking you."</p>
<p>"Still. Your consideration is appreciated. But please do not fear for my pride-- it would take a miracle for you to win."</p>
<p>Oh, this egotistical <em>ass.</em> The desire that already burned within him at the thought of besting the god before him turns into an outright flame, hot and dangerous, lapping at the edges of his mind as an inferno. </p>
<p>"Egotistical," he scoffs.</p>
<p>"It is simply the truth. You asked me of my true form, did you not? If you wish to see it, charge at me. I promise you, I will not use my full strength and will only defend myself."</p>
<p>"How dare you insult me by holding back your full power? Charge at me and <em>mean it!</em>"</p>
<p>"You will understand my reticence when you do as I say, Felix. I am offering you a chance. If you'd rather have more of one, I can also discard my weapon."</p>
<p>"Don't you dare," he grinds out through gritted teeth, readying his stance before charging at Dimitri with all he has, his blade arcing through the air, curving down, meant to slice into flesh or whatever it is that gods are made of-- </p>
<p>His blade strikes wood. And again and again-- until Felix realizes that Dimitri isn't fighting back against him. </p>
<p>"Fight me!" he yells, attempting to strike again. Instead of simply parrying, Dimitri moves his wrist and Felix feels himself lifted off the ground, his body flung backwards several feet. </p>
<p>"-- the fuck," he mutters, Dimitri sighing.</p>
<p>"This is my true form, Felix. I am stronger than any god-- and certainly any mortal. I am not an enemy you could possibly hope to defeat."</p>
<p>The bitter taste of defeat lies heavy on his tongue, Felix blinking up at Dimitri's form. </p>
<p>"Never," he clarifies, blinking down at the ground before him as Dimitri holds his hand out, Felix promptly resolving to ignore it and pushing himself up, instead.</p>
<p>"I am sorry."</p>
<p>The fact that he actually does sound apologetic does little to ease the humiliation of this pathetic defeat.</p>
<p>"Let's just keep moving," he mutters, and feels the sword in his hand disintegrate into nothingness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It's when he spots lightning in the distance, the sky rumbling in anger, that Felix knows they are approaching the Meadows. </p>
<p>"We should take a rest before we venture into the Meadows," Dimitri says from beside him, though his steps do not yet slow. "Things will get substantially worse once we cross that border."</p>
<p>"You keep saying that, and I have no idea what it's even supposed to mean. All I know is that you've pushed all manner of fruit on me over the course of the last… I have no idea how much time has passed, actually."</p>
<p>"We could have a picnic," Dimitri says, barreling past Felix's question about the time entirely even as he seems to brighten substantially at the thought of food.</p>
<p>"Were you listening at all to what I was saying? I'm tired of food. Apples, oranges, <em>lemons--</em> which no normal person takes whole bites out of, by the way-- it's too much. I don't need you to baby me."</p>
<p>"Ah. It was hardly my intent, Felix. I simply believe that you will… miss it, before long. There will not be a lot for Asphodel to offer."</p>
<p>"You're a god, aren't you? Can't you just… magic something up? Create something out of nothing like you've done <em>every single time</em> thus far?"</p>
<p>"This is not my domain. It will become progressively harder for me to do so from here on out. So if you'd like to have one last moment of indulgence… I would suggest a picnic, regardless of how silly you may find it."</p>
<p>Felix sighs. Much to his chagrin, the boar speaks reason.</p>
<p>"Fine." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>True to his word, the boar offered him whatever he wished for, most of it was meat. Skewered, well-seasoned, slow-roasted to perfection. Even fish, the delicacy that it was growing up. Some exotic, expensive fruits from foreign shores, Dimitri eating a pomegranate in its horrifying entirety… by the time that he is full and sated and ready for a nap against an old tree, Dimitri allows it. </p>
<p>When he comes to again, having awoken from nothing but pleasant dreams, Felix finds that the tree he's beneath happens to be an olive tree, one that reminds him of home and simpler times, back when he first met Dima after rescuing a lioness, one he assumed to have had cubs. </p>
<p>"Boar," he says suddenly, Dimitri turning to look at him with some surprise. "You should know this. Back when I first met Dima, I saved a lioness. Did the cub find its way back to its mother, if it even was its cub? I want to know that it was safe."</p>
<p>Dimitri's features soften, a slow smile coming over them. "The lioness and the cub were both fine, thanks to you." He's quiet for a moment, musing over some unspoken truth as he digs his finger into the rich Elysian soil beneath them. "That… that was when I knew. That you were my favorite."</p>
<p>Oh. Of all things, that's what stood out most to Dimitri?</p>
<p>"I know you keep calling me a boar and a beast, and I suppose you are right to do so, but… my patron animal is the lion. It meant a great deal, seeing you come to the aid of them both. Your heart has always been… vast."</p>
<p>"We should move on," Felix says, pushing himself up and away from the olive tree with a scowl. "We've got a long way left to go still… and if what you're saying about the Meadows is true? Then I'd like to get it over with. As quickly as possible."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It's still thundering by the time they reach the border, rain pouring down on the other side. It looks… dark, dreary. Gloomy, almost. </p>
<p>"It won't be like this everywhere," Dimitri explains. "Just… the transition… it's meant to function as a sort of border." </p>
<p>A border. And such a welcoming one, too. </p>
<p>"Well," he says, glancing over at his traveling companion, "I suppose there's nowhere to go but through."</p>
<p>"We could still turn back. If you'd like to change your mind--"</p>
<p>"Not a chance in hell," Felix says, and steps through. </p>
<p>The change hits him almost instantly. Even more prominent than the rain plummeting down upon him and drenching him to the point of misery is the overwhelming feeling of… weariness, as if all the joy and buoyancy to be found in Elysium has simply been stolen from out of the air. Where it doesn't feel thick with tension, it feels heavy with grief and complacency, discontentment making the air feel smothering at best. </p>
<p>"It's too humid," he observes, Dimitri looking up at the clouds. </p>
<p>"I do believe it's called rain."</p>
<p>"I meant <em>the air.</em>" It feels sticky. Too warm. </p>
<p>"I'm sure you'll find that that won't last long," Dimitri says. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He turns out to have been entirely correct. </p>
<p>Upon passing through the monsoon pouring over their heads, they emerge to find themselves in a field, the air stale and just as oppressively thick and heavy as before, but where there was too much moisture a second ago, now there is none.</p>
<p>The change is dizzying.</p>
<p>"Should I worry about getting sick while we walk through here?" he asks, a shiver passing through him after a few more steps. As though the very Meadows refuse to accommodate its residents in any way.</p>
<p>Comfort, it would seem, has become a thing of the past. </p>
<p>In a way, he supposes he understands Glenn and Dimitri a bit better now. Elysium truly was a wonderful place when compared to this. </p>
<p>Just… not when compared to life, in all its varied and multifold glories. </p>
<p>"Not in the way you would think," Dimitri answers, shaking his head. "The journey will be harder on you, but you should not fall ill in the traditional sense. The transition is difficult. Beyond that, I do believe you will feel rather human side effects that you would not have felt in Elysium. It is a good thing that we ate, for you will hunger, you will thirst, and you will want for sleep."</p>
<p>"Great."</p>
<p>"We are not yet in Tartarus. So there is no need to be truly concerned about your condition just yet."</p>
<p>Somehow, that sentiment does rather the opposite of making him feel any better, dread taking hold of him, instead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It's a sickening place, he soon realizes. Nothing is comfortable, nothing is satisfying. It truly is a place of pure and true discontentment. Not dreadful, miserable, but-- nothing about it is <em>good.</em> </p>
<p>Occasionally, Dimitri will magic some fruit into creation for him-- first an orange, then a mango (and then, following his complaints, a knife to go with it)-- and Felix finds himself even willing to accept them considering their surroundings. The <em>weight</em> of it all. </p>
<p>And when Dimitri offers him the chance to rest, he takes it. </p>
<p>Sitting in the field, dry and arid, he watches fresh stormclouds gathering in the distance. </p>
<p>"My clothes literally just dried," he mutters, letting out a harsh sigh at the sight before them. </p>
<p>His voice draws Dimitri's gaze, first to him, and then to the sky. </p>
<p>He really is handsome. If this <em>is</em> his true form, as he claims, then Dimitri is… handsome. Reminiscent of Dima, even. Somewhat, if he squints. The same eye color, the same beautiful, golden shade of hair. He wonders if it would feel the same, if running his hand through his hair as they lay beside one another--</p>
<p>His mind wrenches back from the mental image. That's a memory he has with Dima. Dima, who is still alive, who <em>needs</em> him. The person he's doing this for. </p>
<p>And... he does miss it. Lying in the grass, in the sand, on the marble parquet flooring of the temple-- hands held, gazes up or on each other, his forehead on Felix's and a smile on his face--</p>
<p>They were so young then, and yet…</p>
<p>"Ah. I thought it would stay dry for a bit longer. My apologies."</p>
<p>"I assume you don't control the weather down here."</p>
<p>Dimitri lets out a chuckle. "Of course not."</p>
<p>"Then don't act like a martyr if you're not to blame. Not everything is your fault, even if you are a beast. A beast in charge of other beasts-- ones that don't even listen to you. You must feel pathetic."</p>
<p>Getting up again, Felix walks on, eager to put some distance between them. He doesn't look back, refuses to allow himself the vulnerability of the action, determined instead to keep his focus forward. </p>
<p>Dimitri has nothing to do with Dima, and conflating the two in his mind will only serve to confuse him. He's doing this for Dima.</p>
<p>Dimitri can rot, for all he cares. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Perhaps we should set up camp."</p>
<p>"Can you even still create anything, boar?"</p>
<p>"I didn't say that I couldn't, simply that it is… difficult for me. Harder."</p>
<p>"If this will take too much out of you, just say so."</p>
<p>"I… do believe that I will be able to handle it. Your concern for me means a great deal to me, however."</p>
<p>"What? It's not <em>concern,</em> I just don't need to be stuck out here with a useless boar, that's all."</p>
<p>Felix is fairly certain that he's pink all the way up to his ears. Pathetic. He should be ashamed of himself. </p>
<p>Of course he's concerned, even if it's not about the boar's well-being. </p>
<p>No. This is an entirely selfish bit of self-preservation. Being stuck in the middle of the Asphodel Meadows with no sense of direction and a useless god who likely weighs far more than any normal adult? Hardly his idea of a good time. </p>
<p>Behind him, something snaps. Felix can commiserate. </p>
<p>"Ah, but… I will admit that working with my hands has never been my strong suit… and that I do not know how to pitch a tent."</p>
<p>Glancing over, Felix finds the sight that greets him to border on <em>cute,</em> Dimitri holding two now-broken pieces of a large, thick pole, one in each hand.</p>
<p>"Ugh, give me those," he says, grabbing hold of the pieces already crafted out of nothing by Dimitri. </p>
<p>Under normal circumstances, he'd be working with far less perfect pieces, ones <em>not</em> specifically crafted for the purposes of putting together a small tent— but as it is, the work is easy, far easier than it would have been otherwise. </p>
<p>"What's this for, anyway? Are you really that worried about the rain?"</p>
<p>"I am worried about you."</p>
<p>"Me? Don't be ridiculous, boar."</p>
<p>Dimitri stills, allowing his thumb to trace the grain of the wooden stake in his hands.</p>
<p>"Humans are… fragile," he says, his voice quiet as he sets down the stake alongside the others. "They break so easily. I'm sure if I were to touch you, I would be just as frightened of breaking you, too."</p>
<p>For the first time, Felix finds a part of him feeling sorry for the god before him. Staring at his hands now, he looks almost lost, broken. Perhaps the better word for it would be <em>lonely,</em> but the thought alone is silly. Aren't the gods meant to be mostly carefree? Is this place weighing down on Dimitri just as badly as it's been weighing down on him, too? </p>
<p>He feels… too familiar, almost. Unsettlingly so.</p>
<p>"You wouldn't break me," he says, shoving one of the stakes into the ground with some irritation-- all the irritation he can't seem to make himself feel inside of his head. "I'm not nearly as fragile as you seem to think me. It's insulting."</p>
<p>"I am always stronger than I think. Even just earlier, I was terrified of killing you."</p>
<p>Felix scoffs, derision bleeding into the sound. "You literally didn't even attack me. You insisted on only defending yourself and nothing more."</p>
<p>"Had we been on earth, the impact of my… <em>defending myself</em> would have broken your ribs in two places. I could never be allowed to touch you."</p>
<p>Another thought creeps in, unbidden: one of Dimitri <em>touching him.</em> He's sure he meant it purely in the sense of their earlier duel, innocent and appropriate for a <em>god of war,</em> but-- </p>
<p>"As if I'd let you touch me," he mutters, blushing all over again.</p>
<p>It takes a moment for his meaning to hit, Dimitri's eyes going wide as soon as it does, his own cheeks going rosy-pink right alongside Felix's. </p>
<p>Wonderful. He looks <em>mortified.</em></p>
<p>"I-- I didn't mean--!"</p>
<p>"Obviously. Forget it." He's not even sure why he feels as irritated as he does. After all, all Dimitri did was confirm what he already knew to be true. "Just magic me a scrap of cloth that we can use as a cover for this damn tent."</p>
<p>"Of course," Dimitri mutters, cheeks still pink, and sets about creating something resembling a tent in structure. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The storm rolls in sooner than expected, looking downright vicious from where they're standing. </p>
<p>"It should pass soon enough… I hope," Dimitri mutters, glancing down at the tent. It's a thing of beauty, all things considered, safely and securely attached to the ground, stones weighing down the sides where Felix didn't tie it up. He's not worried about it not holding. </p>
<p>If anything, he's worried about… the lack of space.</p>
<p>It was clearly meant to be a tent for one (him), but Dimitri keeps casting wistful glances in the tent's direction all the same. </p>
<p>"Well," Felix says, his jaw set, "goodnight." </p>
<p>Even as he slips inside the tent, he knows it would be almost impossible to get to sleep now. He's just counting the seconds before a familiar head will also pop in through the entrance and beg him to share. </p>
<p>He's already come to terms with it. </p>
<p>It'll be… fine. </p>
<p>Moving to lie down, Felix waits, casting the occasional impatient glance in the direction of the entryway. </p>
<p>Nothing? Really? The boar is holding out a lot longer than he expected. </p>
<p>It only takes another few minutes before he lets out a growl of frustration, crawls forward on all fours, and opens the tent flap. "Just fucking come in already, I can practically hear you whining from in there."</p>
<p>"My deepest apologies," Dimitri mutters, slipping into the tent and looking terribly ashamed of himself, rather like a puppy with its tail tucked between its legs. </p>
<p>"Are you that worried about the rain? Didn't know gods could have <em>fears.</em>"</p>
<p>"I don't like being wet," he explains, Felix turning to stare at him.</p>
<p>"What are you, a <em>cat?</em>"</p>
<p>He shakes his head. "Lion."</p>
<p>"Whatever," he says, rolling over to face away from him. "Just try to stick to your side of the tent." A beat. "Do gods even sleep?" The question comes over his shoulder before Felix changes his mind, shaking his head and rolling back over. "Ugh, nevermind. Forget I asked. Just... don't stare at me while I'm sleeping. Humans think that's creepy."</p>
<p>"We don't have to sleep," Dimitri answers, his voice soft. "But I don't mind it. If it would make you more comfortable--"</p>
<p>"Do whatever you want."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Felix awakens only to find himself shrouded in darkness. The rain is pelting their tent with a ferocity that should be worrying were it not for the fact that it was magically constructed, Felix finding genuine comfort in Dimitri's presence at his side at that moment.</p>
<p>Dimitri. The thought prompts him to turn around, the occasional flash of lightning allowing for his face to be illuminated if only for a few brief moments. </p>
<p>So he went to sleep, after all. </p>
<p>He looks almost… human like this. <em>Harmless,</em> perhaps, is the better word for it. </p>
<p>Not that Dimitri has done anything to suggest that he'd ever put Felix in danger. That he'd ever want anything but the best for him. </p>
<p>He could almost call it endearing if it wasn't for how annoyingly earnest he is about it. </p>
<p>He's struck with the strange urge to talk to Glenn again, as if talking to him would sort things out. He always had had the magical ability of making him feel better at the worst of times. </p>
<p>Not that this qualifies as such, even with their exceedingly close quarters and the rain pelting down on their shelter, but-- he certainly does feel <em>torn,</em> if nothing else. He's not supposed to feel conflicted about Dimitri, of all people. Of all… gods. </p>
<p>If he'd hoped to humanize himself somehow with the aid of their journey together... Felix supposes he succeeded.</p>
<p>Even so. Should they get to their destination only for Felix to discover that Dimitri's companionship was entirely unnecessary, he might have to kill him. He couldn't-- not considering his ridiculous strength, at any rate-- but he'd want to.</p>
<p>Not that Dimitri has been entirely… useless thus far. </p>
<p>It's unlikely he would have found shelter to help him weather the storm if it hadn't been for him. The best he could have done was hope to wait it out beneath the canopy of a tree, but regardless of how close they came to the edge of the forest, it never seemed any nearer. </p>
<p>Trapped in an eternal meadow, he can think of few companions that would be better suited for the position. </p>
<p>Another flash of lightning illuminates their tent for a few, brief moments, long enough for Felix to catch the look of distress coloring Dimitri's features. </p>
<p>Strange. He would have never thought that gods could have nightmares. The mythos has always spoken of Dimitri's suffering, of the loss of his family and all he held dear, that the decision to become the god of war was not his, but that the title was more so thrust upon him against his will-- and yet, he'd never thought to connect the two. He simply had never thought them so… human.</p>
<p>A soft, downright pitiful moan makes itself known through the darkness.</p>
<p>Whatever he's dreaming about, it must be awful.</p>
<p>"Stupid boar," he mutters. "Wake up."</p>
<p>"Felix," he rasps, eyes still closed, the sorrow not once leaving his voice. Still asleep, then. "Please, please--"</p>
<p>"What do you want?"</p>
<p>Dimitri reaches for him without question, and, before Felix can put up a fight, pulls him into his arms as one might a stuffed animal or a ragdoll. No amount of protesting on the part of his body seems to be able to free him. </p>
<p>Well, then.</p>
<p>"The least you could have done was tell me what you were begging for," he mutters, Dimitri nuzzling into his hair. His breathing seems to have evened out somewhat, and Felix finds that he doesn't actually mind being here. It feels rather safe, warm where the outside presently has few comforts to offer. </p>
<p>So he allows himself to (reluctantly) fall asleep in the arms of a boar. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It's the next day that it happens. </p>
<p>Dimitri wakes first, and so Felix does not wake up surrounded by warmth and safety. Instead, the tent is empty when he comes to, Felix blearily blinking the sleep out of his eyes as he tries to make sense of his surroundings. </p>
<p>Right. He's in the Underworld. He almost forgot. </p>
<p>A yelp draws his attention to the tent's entrance, Felix letting out a harsh sigh as he crawls forward to stick his head out to find Dimitri attempting to… fry him up some breakfast.</p>
<p>"What are you doing."</p>
<p>"Ah! Felix, you're awake! I thought you might be hungry, but, ah-- admittedly, cooking is a great deal harder than we gods give you humans credit for."</p>
<p>Ridiculous. If he's not wrong, it looks almost as though the tips of Dimitri's ears are red, cheeks likewise tinged pink. </p>
<p>"We had a slave growing up that did the cooking, it's hardly as though I'm an expert." Still... looking at Dimitri now, pleading puppy dog eyes and all, he imagines he'd be a damn sight better than him regardless. "Ugh, just give me that."</p>
<p>Admittedly, he is hungry, something that he's increasingly realizing the more time he spends cooking now, the smell of the food getting the better of him. Tomatoes, onions, figs, fish, all in olive oil-- to say that Dimitri knows little about a traditional breakfast would be an understatement. Still, it does smell good, even if it is terribly mismatched. </p>
<p>"I'm making you breakfast next time; this is just sad."</p>
<p>"I don't need to eat, Felix."</p>
<p>"I'll <em>insist,</em>" he grinds out, throwing a glower in Dimitri's direction as he pulls the… strange combination of food off the sad little imitation of a campfire. </p>
<p>Well, at least he tried. </p>
<p>"You're letting me do that next time, too," he declares, waving nondescriptly in the fire's general direction. </p>
<p>"You were sleeping so sweetly; I hadn't the heart to wake you. I was hoping to surprise you."</p>
<p> "Mm."</p>
<p>He tries to swallow down how damn <em>nice</em> that is, Dimitri laying on yet more kindness he doesn't deserve, and thickly enough to suggest that his intent is to suffocate him with it.</p>
<p>Not that he wasn't also surprised by the strange combination of flavors alone, Felix plucking up one of the pan-fried tomatoes and shaking the excess olive oil off of it and into the grass. If that was his intent, he certainly succeeded.</p>
<p>"Is it… good?"</p>
<p>Oh, for crying out loud. His patron god is an insufferable puppy dog.</p>
<p>"It's fine," he mutters, and follows up the bite of tomato with a misshapen piece of fish. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They set off shortly after breakfast, Felix collapsing their tent and putting out their fire. Where Dimitri offers to make the tent pieces conveniently disappear once more, Felix instead asks for him to make a satchel to carry them in. </p>
<p>No need to go through all the trouble of making him create the pieces all over again (a sentiment, he has to remind himself, that is absolutely not born from concern). </p>
<p>They walk in relative silence from there, Dimitri offering to carry the satchel and Felix summarily refusing him. </p>
<p>("At least allow me to carry it," Dimitri had pleaded, Felix throwing him a scowl.</p>
<p>"And end up with you inevitably breaking something? Absolutely not.")</p>
<p> He starts actually considering handing over the satchel-- in spite of how much work Dimitri has already done to ease the burden of his journey-- when he starts feeling not only the weight of it, but of his own body. If this were any place but the Underworld, he might have thought himself sick, or at least well on his way there. Either way, it feels like something is increasingly <em>wrong</em> with him, his steps feeling heavier with each one he takes. </p>
<p>Not that his surroundings seem to indicate that they've made any progress, Felix glaring at the seemingly endless amount of <em>nothing at all.</em> </p>
<p>"Do we even know that we're going in the right direction?"</p>
<p>"Yes, of course we do."</p>
<p>Felix scoffs. "I think you mean that <em>you</em> do. <em>I</em> don't know. To me, all of this looks the same as it did at the start of today." The only real difference has nothing to do with their surroundings, but with the way his body aches, Felix practically dragging it along on their path at this point.</p>
<p>"Luckily, you are accompanied by a god with a flawless sense of direction around these parts."</p>
<p>"Hmph."</p>
<p>"Anytime you'd like to rest, please just tell me. And if you'd care for me to carry the satchel--"</p>
<p>"Just take the damn satchel already," Felix snaps, thrusting the pack out to him. "Since you apparently won't shut up about it otherwise."</p>
<p>The lack of weight comes as a considerable relief, one that he hopes isn't showing on his face. </p>
<p>It's shameful. The place shouldn't be taking such a considerable toll on him in the first place.</p>
<p>"Thank you, Felix."</p>
<p>"Shut up."</p>
<p>Dimitri is not to be shut up, though, Felix staring ahead of himself as he keeps blabbering, ceaseless <em>helpful</em>. "If you'd care to stop to eat, I'd be happy to craft you anything. I understand that you don't trust my cooking, but surely you trust me to create some ingredients--"</p>
<p>"You know, some would call this cheating."</p>
<p>Dimitri laughs, disbelief coloring the edges of his voice. "Oh, come now!"</p>
<p>"I'm serious. I'm sure no one else gets a… <em>god companion</em> on these journeys to guide them and offer them provisions and <em>tents.</em>"</p>
<p>"It's not unheard of."</p>
<p><em>Sure</em> it isn't. </p>
<p>"If we get to wherever we're going and you helping me out all along is counted against me, I'll kill you."</p>
<p>"Having me there to vouch for you should aid you, if anything."</p>
<p>Felix shakes his head. "Right, like I need my god to do the talking for me-- that'll look fantastic." </p>
<p>He can picture it already, god of war Dimitri and his pathetic, puny little human that can't even speak up for himself to earn the right to come back to life. </p>
<p>Dimitri lets out a chuckle that borders on <em>fond.</em> Disgusting. </p>
<p>"I suppose you always were reluctant to accept my aid. I don't believe we ever went a single round without you accusing me of cheating and helping you win whenever we played together. Unless, of course, you didn't win. Ah, but I always hated to see you cry."</p>
<p>Time seems to slow to a stop alongside his steps, the words stuck like static in Felix's head. </p>
<p>"... what?" he says slowly.</p>
<p>Realization dawns on Dimitri's features like a wave rolling in from off the shore-- slow to start, and then all at once, threatening to drown them both, swallowed by truth.</p>
<p>"Ah," Dimitri says. </p>
<p>"It was you," he starts, Felix feeling the world close in on him. "All that time, it was <em>you--</em>"</p>
<p>Finding himself wishing he had the pack back just so that he might have <em>something</em> to throw on the ground, Felix turns around, not even caring a little bit that he's going in the opposite direction, or that there's nowhere to go. </p>
<p>Anywhere is better than here, by Dimitri's side. </p>
<p>"Felix--!"</p>
<p>By <em>Dima's</em> side. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There's nowhere to escape to, nowhere to run. Wherever he goes, there simply seems to be more <em>nothing</em> until Felix finally gives up and allows himself to fall back into the field, bodily splayed out in all directions like a starfish. </p>
<p>There are no insects, he realizes vaguely. The sky is gray, and there seems to be no life to be found anywhere. Even the sun appears… nonexistent, a strange reminder of the fact that this is not the world he knows.</p>
<p><em>Betrayal,</em> he thinks, might be putting it too lightly. He’s angry, yes, but a part of him is almost convinced that he’s angrier at himself than he is at Dimitri. </p>
<p>After all, Dimitri lied to him, but he was the idiot who fell for it. </p>
<p>Trying to go back through their myriad conversations to catalog his lies is almost impossible. His memory is far from perfect on the best of days, and right now he’s dealing with lethargy on top of everything else. </p>
<p>It’s fine. He’s just tired.</p>
<p>"Boar!" he barks, fingers digging into soil. "Come here."</p>
<p>For all the lies, Dimitri is nothing if not compliant, coming over to stand beside him, his head bowed and his tail tucked between his legs. </p>
<p>"You have a perfect memory, being a god, and all. Tell me all the lies you told me. I want a list."</p>
<p>"Felix…"</p>
<p>"Do it, or I stay here forever."</p>
<p>That shuts him up quickly enough, Felix swallowing down any shred of guilt welling up in his gut at the look on Dimitri's face.</p>
<p>"... I suppose it... depends on your definition of lying. If omitting the truth counts--"</p>
<p>"Why the hell wouldn't it?" he grinds out through clenched teeth as Dimitri continues. </p>
<p>"-- then, yes, I suppose I've lied to you a great deal. But never... directly." He sighs, turning to face away from Felix-- as if he is simply too painful to look at. "I told you that Dima was alive, in a way. Which was true. I am... alive in a sense, but only insofar as a god can be. I told you that he misses you, which was true, because I... missed you for a long time after you told me that you hated me. I told you that he thought you didn't like him anymore, which... was true. And... well, you didn't like me anymore. You just didn't know how much you hated me at the time." </p>
<p>Felix feels his stomach twist into knots as Dimitri shakes his head, looking very much like all the fight has left him. "I told you that you meant the world to Dima, that he needs you. That he's been lost without you. And that was true, too." A beat. </p>
<p>It all makes sense in hindsight, he supposes. Why Dima always popped into existence out of nowhere, why he never shared any information about his family. </p>
<p>"I know that you decided to do all of this because of… Dima and wanting to get back to him. I suppose that was my worst lie, not… dissuading that. But I-- I was too selfish. So if you'd like to turn back," Dimitri continues, taking in a shaky breath, "I will of course return you to Elysium to be with your brother."</p>
<p>He sounds like a sad puppy. </p>
<p>Fine, then.</p>
<p>"I'm still going," he decides, pushing himself up and grabbing hold of the satchel once more. "But this time, I'm doing it for <em>me.</em>"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The decision to do it all on his own, wholesale rejecting Dimitri's help, turns out to have been a mistake. </p>
<p>Whatever <em>weight</em> he had begun to feel earlier, it feels overwhelming by now, Felix's steps having slowed to a veritable crawl by comparison to their earlier speed. And even though Dimitri seems to have noticed-- it would be hard not to, he reckons-- he hasn't said anything about it.</p>
<p>In fact, he hasn't said anything at all, something Felix is downright thankful for. He's not sure what he'd say in all his vitriol right now, but since he's not sure that he'd even mean it, it's better if he can just… hold it in.</p>
<p>More than anything, he feels conflicted.  </p>
<p>He's already had to come to terms with the fact that hating Dimitri was misguided and stupid, done blindly out of a need for someone, anyone to blame for the needless death of his brother and so many others. That Dimitri had no control over the actions of the people. </p>
<p>Everything he's learned about him thus far has corroborated at least that much. Dimitri is… kinder and more considerate than Felix has ever given him credit for. </p>
<p>And… there's no getting away from the fact that he… was Dima. <em>His</em> Dima. </p>
<p>In a way, he supposes he still is. </p>
<p>If he's honest with himself, he even has to admit that he can… understand his motivations for lying about his identity. Wanting to get Felix out of here, to… reconnect with Dima-- all of that could have been shattered in moments if only he'd been honest.</p>
<p>"Tell me something," he says, his steps slowing to a step as he resists the urge to drop the satchel, to allow himself to collapse entirely alongside it. It's tempting. He feels like shit. "What would you have done if you'd gotten me back up there like you wanted? You told me Dima was up there. Waiting for me. Were you planning on pretending to be human for my sake? Just to-- to be with me?"</p>
<p>Dimitri looks so ashamed that even Felix has to feel bad, his eyes fixed on the ground as if looking at Felix right now would demand the impossible of him. </p>
<p>"Quit feeling sorry for yourself and answer me."</p>
<p>"Is…" Dimitri takes a deep breath, the sound bordering on pained. "Is it truly so bad? That my answer is yes?"</p>
<p>Well, fuck. </p>
<p>"Are you an idiot? Don't you have <em>a job</em> to do? You're telling me that you were going to abandon godhood just to play house with me?"</p>
<p>"If I could have--"</p>
<p>"Or were you going to keep lying to me about being the fucking <em>god of war</em> while you pretended to just be my Dima? How long were you going to keep lying? What if I had found out a year later? Five, ten? After we'd built a life together?" His words are coming out faster than he can keep up with, but he can't stop now, he <em>can't</em>. "How could you have even continued looking me in the eyes knowing that you were lying to the person that supposedly meant more than anything to you? So much so that you decided to abandon me when I was at the lowest point in my life-- and <em>for what?</em> <em>Why?</em> Because I hurt your fragile little ego? You're so--"</p>
<p>"Felix--"</p>
<p>"You're so <em>selfish,</em>" he keeps going, his voice cracking. He knows fully well that he's full of shit, that his words couldn't be further from the truth. "<em>That's</em> why I hate you. You only ever think about yourself-- I'd be amazed if you even knew how to prioritize anyone else."</p>
<p>He's projecting and he <em>knows it</em>, knows all too well that the accusations he's lobbing at Dimitri could just as easily be turned upon himself. But he can't stop now, dizzy and disoriented as he tries his damnedest to stay rooted to the ground. At this rate he's going to be sick all over the ground between them. </p>
<p>"Felix--!"</p>
<p>Dimitri catches him when he falls, and Felix finds that he can't even bring himself to fight him on it. For lack of strength, not lack of desire, he tells himself. </p>
<p>Then again, maybe it's both.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I am sorry about this," Dimitri tells him, looking so pathetically guilty that Felix doesn't rightly know what to do with it. "But you are going to have to rest."</p>
<p>Much as Felix wishes he could argue with him on this, he knows he can't. Even after Dimitri caught him, he'd tried to get up again only to collapse a second time. </p>
<p>Now, he's trembling, Dimitri having produced a blanket for him to wrap around himself while he builds the tent. </p>
<p>Considering that it's his first time building one after only watching Felix once, it's almost impressive. He's not even doing a half-bad job. For a god. </p>
<p>"It's fine."</p>
<p>"It's not," Dimitri mutters, shaking his head. "I have… upset you, and I am sorry."</p>
<p>"I thought you were sorry about the tent."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry about a great deal of things." Dimitri sighs, his body folding in on itself, miserable. "Ah… most of them have to do with you."</p>
<p>Felix scoffs. "Don't use me to martyr yourself, please."</p>
<p>"I am not, I simply… I have regrets. I should have treated you better. More honestly. Told you who I was from the start."</p>
<p>So they're talking about this now, are they?</p>
<p>"Don't be absurd. Either I wouldn't have believed you, or it would have led to consequences. I've read the myths. What happens when gods reveal their true selves to humans. It never goes well."</p>
<p>Yet again, Dimitri sighs, looking rather like he's given up on life. "Still."</p>
<p>"Yeah, you sure as fuck shouldn't have kept the charade going for this long. Did you honestly think that I wouldn't find out?"</p>
<p>If it's possible, Dimitri looks sadder, more than dejected. "I… I thought I'd have found a solution by then. Found a way to-- become mortal."</p>
<p>"You wa-- what?"</p>
<p>"I'm sure that must sound pathetic to a mortal who already has so little time and joy in their short life, but-- I do not delight in the purported joys of godhood; I never have. I would much rather be a… farmer, or an artisan-- a craftsman with a short, but happy life with less grievous responsibilities. Every time I would look upon you and your misery, I'd hoped that perhaps having me in your life once more would… change things for you, but-- ah, a folly, no doubt. Not that I ever had the chance to try. You died before I'd worked up the courage to approach you again."</p>
<p>"Pathetic," he mutters, shaking his head as he looks askance, anywhere but at Dimitri. Why would he place such importance on Felix? It makes no sense. "It had been years. The least you could have done was tried to talk to me. Even an attempt would have been better than your cowardly attempts at making excuses now, in hindsight. Cowards don't deserve forgiveness in the name of nothing more than intent."</p>
<p>"I-- please understand, Felix, I am hardly asking for forgiveness; I know I do not deserve it. I am simply hoping to explain myself, my foibles and follies."</p>
<p>"Hmph."</p>
<p>"That said, you must know, those years you speak of… they felt like heartbeats to me. Your life passed in the blink of an eye long before I could even think to so much as grasp it. I had so little time with you, both before and after you… changed your mind about me. And still, I was never… happier than when I was with you."</p>
<p>"You really are an idiot, aren't you? You gods think yourselves so utterly superior to us, and yet you understand nothing. I never changed my mind about you. I was angry, but not <em>at you.</em>"</p>
<p>Dimitri lets out a wry chuckle. "You didn't change your mind about Dima, no. But you did change your mind about the god you once loved. And, more than your childhood friend, I am also, unfortunately, him."</p>
<p>He's right. Felix hates that, but he is right. Dimitri knew how deep his hatred had run back then, and wouldn't have even needed to hear his thoughts to know as much. He spat at his altar and in his temple more than enough times, told the god exactly what he thought of him for taking his brother away from him. </p>
<p>"I couldn't simply return," Dimitri continues. "I'd wanted to tell you who I was eventually, and that… would not have ended well for me. Just as it hasn't now. You hate me, and rightly so. I am a coward."</p>
<p>"I…" Felix clears his throat. "I don't <em>hate</em> you."</p>
<p>If anything, he feels conflicted. Even knowing what he does now, he still misses his Dima, sees Dima in the man before him. </p>
<p>He doesn't want to, but it feels like an inescapable truth.</p>
<p>"You should," Dimitri says, shaking his head as he drives the last stake into the ground to tie off the tent. "You should hate me. I deserve it."</p>
<p>"Quit feeling sorry for yourself, boar. I don't pay anyone lip service, and certainly not you. If you want pretty lies you can argue against, talk to my father, talk to yourself. But leave me out of it. Either believe me, or don't, but don't you dare tell me what I should or shouldn't think."</p>
<p>If he could, he'd get up and storm off right about now. As it is, he can do neither, forced to suffer Dimitri's proximity even as he glares at the ground, at the crudely-built fire before him. It's uncomfortably cold here. Everything about this place is uncomfortable. </p>
<p>He misses Elysium. He can't even imagine the environmental horrors they'll get to deal with when they finally reach Tartarus. </p>
<p>"Ah, then… thank you. It means a lot."</p>
<p>"I'm not running a charity," he scoffs. "You don't need to thank me."</p>
<p>"All the same. I am… grateful. I had feared the worst."</p>
<p>"Don't get hopeful yet," Felix mutters, stubbornly turning away-- </p>
<p>-- but not fast enough to miss the small smile coloring Dimitri's features as he puts the finishing touches on his tent. </p>
<p>…their tent, he supposes. </p>
<p>Fighting the urge to scoff at himself this time, Dimitri settles in at his side to pull some mismatched ingredients out of thin air to throw together. Lemons, almonds, sugar, fish--</p>
<p>"What are you doing?"</p>
<p>Dimitri blinks up at him from the cast iron pan before him. "Cooking."</p>
<p>"Do you have no sense of taste? What is wrong with you? Throw all the savory things together that you want, but don't toss anything sweet in with it, this isn't a dessert!"</p>
<p>Dimitri looks to be at a loss, though Felix supposes he can't blame him for that, not if he's never cooked before in his life. Not that Felix has cooked ever before in his life, either, but-- he also didn't take a bite out of a whole lemon, either, he had far better sense than to do such a thing. </p>
<p>"What ingredients should I use?"</p>
<p>"No sugar. Just-- ugh, I don't know, add some green beans and tomatoes and olives and it should taste fine. Edible, at least. That's all that matters."</p>
<p>They sit in silence for a while, Dimitri following the-- rather lacking-- instructions handed to him by Felix as he cooks, quiet. </p>
<p>Next time, Felix thinks, he'll do it. Once he feels up to the task and not like he's about to die from the environmental effects of this place, he'll cook for them both, and Dimitri can eat something actually halfway decent for once.</p>
<p>Not that… that's likely to happen until they're out of this place. </p>
<p>The thought strikes him as odd. There is no <em>after</em> this place, no reality for the two of them to continue coexisting. It would require him to <em>want</em> Dimitri’s continued company even after it ceases to be, strictly speaking, necessary. </p>
<p>Does he?</p>
<p>He should hate him, should hate his company. But there's been something almost comforting about his companionship thus far; whether it's <em>this place</em> or not, he isn't quite sure. It's unsettling, and makes him feel more than a little vulnerable. Having Dimitri at his side has helped considerably. </p>
<p>The necessity of his presence at his side disappears above ground. If Dimitri's wish is granted, and Felix comes back to life-- </p>
<p>He realizes that he hasn't really given it any thought. Could he return home? To his father, to Annette, to Ashe-- or should he hide, knowing what it must look like, having a man come back from the death everyone witnessed. </p>
<p>He could tell them the truth, he supposes. But that would require giving Dimitri a significant amount of credit. Credit that he… very much deserves, yes, but-- credit that could also cause a scandal.</p>
<p>After all, why would a god wish for one of those sacrificed to him to come back to life? The council would have a field day debating themselves inside out as to the meaning of it, never once coming to the conclusion that the god in question loved one mortal so much that he saw fit to accompany him through the underworld. </p>
<p>So he could… settle elsewhere. Perhaps take up the mantle of misthios and put his abilities as a fighter to the test whilst also, perhaps, doing some good in the world. Putting his restored life to good use by using it to help the people, as many as possible, even at the expense of his own. </p>
<p>Dimitri would hate that. The thought makes him smile. </p>
<p>But... it would be lonely. No one would bother him outside of his duties, and he'd have his peace and quiet. </p>
<p>Too much of it, in fact. </p>
<p>Suddenly reminded of Dimitri's dreams of mortality at his side, Felix shakes his head as if hoping to clear it of cobwebs. Ridiculous. What kind of life would they even lead? Their history is too fraught, too weighed down by baggage neither of them is strong enough to carry. </p>
<p>And it's a matter of forgiveness. Could he forgive him? </p>
<p>The quiet voice inside his heart tells him that he already has, Felix gritting his teeth. </p>
<p>They've been chattering, he realizes. Against his wishes. </p>
<p>The surface is going to be quite the welcome reprieve after this hellscape. </p>
<p>"How do they do it," he finally asks, his words breaking the silence in the air between them. "The lost souls that presumably end up here? Not that I've seen any of them. This place is completely desolate. But I mean-- I feel like I'm going to die from being <em>uncomfortable.</em> Wouldn't the other dead just also die eventually, wear themselves out, wherever the fuck they actually are? I don't even <em>know</em> how anyone would survive Tartarus."</p>
<p>"Ah," Dimitri starts, turning to look up from the pan before him. "About that. Didn't you think it odd that there was no one around once we began walking through Elysium?"</p>
<p>"No. I just thought the people stayed in a rather concentrated area. Like around the lake, where we started." But now that he mentions it, he supposes it is odd. </p>
<p>"I'm afraid that there were more of them, you simply could not see them. Not that they could see you, mind you, or me. I chose to join you on this plane of existence, after all."</p>
<p>"What are you talking about?"</p>
<p>"Things feel so trying on your body because you are not <em>dead,</em> Felix, not anymore. Elysium was kinder to you by its very nature, but your body was not made to endure this place."</p>
<p>Felix blinks, staring down at himself. He doesn't <em>feel</em> different, not outside of feeling like absolute shit. "You're telling me that I'm alive right now. Despite feeling like I'm about to die."</p>
<p>Dimitri hesitates. "You feel that way because you are, in a way. If we took too long, or you got lost on your way, your body would not be able to endure this toll. Which isn't to say that you're entirely alive-- you're… in between death and life, I suppose. My apologies; I should have informed you."</p>
<p>He has to resist the urge to growl his annoyance. "Stop apologizing already. I'm tired of hearing it. Just tell me how much longer I have-- information I can actually use."</p>
<p>"We're making good time, all things considered. A few more days."</p>
<p>"Days." Felix nods, slow. "Good to know."</p>
<p>"You have my support, of course."</p>
<p>"I don't want it," he says, Felix kicking himself a moment later. A stupid knee-jerk reaction. He may not want his help, but he needs it, he knows at least that much. Much as he wishes he could just walk off with their satchel and do the rest of this alone, he feels like shit and he doesn't know the way. "But fine. I'll let you help, if only because you seem utterly desperate to make yourself useful."</p>
<p>Dimitri blinks, surprise taking hold of his features and twisting them into someone Felix recognizes. Dima. </p>
<p>His Dima. </p>
<p>He can hardly stand to look at him for more than a few seconds. </p>
<p>"I… thank you, Felix."</p>
<p>"Don't. It's just what you owe me for lying to me for this long. After this, we're even. And you can stop flagellating yourself."</p>
<p>Whatever Dimitri is about to say-- about him not deserving his forgiveness, about how utterly grateful he is and how much he owes Felix-- he doesn't want to hear it. So he gets up, making his way to the tent on shaky legs. </p>
<p>"I'm going to lie down for a while. Tell me when the food is done."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dinner ends up being halfway edible, even if Felix has eaten far better meals in his time on the surface. At least there isn't any sugar in it, something he decides to be grateful for.</p>
<p>For a place that should have no sun and no moon, no day-night cycle, it's startlingly dark, a brisk cold having moved in alongside it that only seems to be exacerbating the throbbing he feels in his bones. His whole body feels wrong, increasingly so-- as if he's in the wrong place, somewhere he isn't meant to be. </p>
<p>And, well-- based on Dima's description, that seems to be more than true. </p>
<p>… Dimitri. <em>Dimitri's</em> description.</p>
<p>The damn boar has cursed him. </p>
<p>"Did you… rest well, earlier?"</p>
<p>"Mm." Felix scowls. Must they talk? </p>
<p>"I will, of course, leave you in peace tonight. I… wouldn't wish to make you uncomfortable with my presence."</p>
<p>Felix grits his teeth.</p>
<p>"Not that-- my presence <em>should</em> make you… ah, innately uncomfortable. If you do wish me there-- that is to say, if you're not opposed--"</p>
<p>"Stop blabbering. You're making a fool of yourself." Drawing his blanket more tightly about himself, he gets up, only staggering slightly in the process. "I'm going to bed."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Somehow, Dimitri does not pick up on his subtle suggestion to join him. </p>
<p>Surely any idiot could have come to that conclusion. He'd been going to bed. Dimitri had been hinting relentlessly about how much he'd like to go with him. </p>
<p>Why, then, isn't he here now?</p>
<p>It's cold. Lying there in the tent all on his own is miserable, he finds, and not just because his teeth are chattering despite how firmly he's wrapped the blanket around himself. It also happens to be profoundly lonely when compared to the previous night of them together.</p>
<p>The blanket doesn't even smell like Dimitri. Shouldn't a blanket created by him smell like him, too? It's downright unfair.</p>
<p>He shouldn't want him in here, in theory. After everything that happened today, he shouldn't allow him into the tent with him in the first place, and Dimitri should know himself to be far from welcome.</p>
<p>And yet… </p>
<p>And yet he does want him here. In the tent. </p>
<p>With him. </p>
<p>What kind of an idiot does that make him? Since when has it been in his nature to be forgiving? </p>
<p>Heaving a sigh, he gets his shivering, shaking body up alongside his blanket, Felix scooting forward until he's sitting in front of the entrance.</p>
<p>"Boar." Ah, he hates himself. "I'm cold."</p>
<p>For a moment, silence reigns, Felix half-convinced that Dimitri isn't actually there, and that his attempt at… <em>making a request</em> has failed miserably. </p>
<p>His annoyance could not possibly be overstated.</p>
<p>"I-- Felix?"</p>
<p>"I'm not asking again," Felix says, as if he'd asked a question. It was implied.</p>
<p>Dimitri should understand. If he doesn't-- well, he supposes that gives him more reason to be annoyed with him, Felix moving to lie down again, still cold, teeth still chattering. </p>
<p>A head pokes through the entrance, Felix blinking up at Dimitri.</p>
<p>"What."</p>
<p>"If you… ah, if I have... overstepped, please don't hesitate to tell me, and I shall leave at once. But--"</p>
<p>Pulling aside the tent flap, the rest of Dimitri's body slips inside, sidling up beside him.</p>
<p>"Can-- can I touch you?"</p>
<p>The gall of him.</p>
<p>"Do what you want."</p>
<p>And Dimitri does. </p>
<p>His body curls up around him before seemingly changing its mind, Felix fighting down the urge to feel <em>disappointed.</em> It should be beneath him, he should know better-- but he reasons with himself that he really is cold and has every right to be… embraced, at least. </p>
<p>A warm fur cloak wraps around his shoulders-- and still, he misses the arms that should be firmly wrapped about him right now. </p>
<p>"I... made this while I was waiting outside. I was worried that you might get cold."</p>
<p>He shouldn't have been surprised, honestly-- Dimitri has always been a painfully selfless sort; right now, however, he'd prefer him to be selfish. </p>
<p>He isn't even sure <em>why.</em> Has he lost all sense of pride?</p>
<p>"So I get to curl up with a cloak instead of a warm body. How considerate of you."</p>
<p>"Ah," Dimitri chuckles, "I wasn't sure if you would be willing to tolerate my touch."</p>
<p>"I already told you to do what you want."</p>
<p>He couldn't have known that while sitting outside creating a cloak, something that must have taken him a considerable amount of time knowing what Felix knows by now-- that the deeper they go, the closer they come to Tartarus, the harder creation will be for him. And yet he made it all the same. </p>
<p>The boar is… infuriating. </p>
<p>"So you did," Dimitri says with a soft chuckle, not even bothering to fight him on everything illogical about his myriad hypocrisies. "Well… if you did allow me to touch you, I thought two layers better than one."</p>
<p>Once more, strong arms wrap around him from behind, pulling the fur cloak more tightly around his shivering form. Only slowly do his shivers still, but Dimitri's arms are warm and safe and Felix feels comforted in a way he hasn't since-- </p>
<p>Since he slept beside Dima when they were both children. </p>
<p>Except that Dimitri was never a child, he supposes. He was just pretending-- and put up with his antics all the same.</p>
<p>Shakily exhaling the chill from his body, he allows his body to lean into the boar's touch despite himself. At least like this, he doesn't have to look at him. "It's… fine. Just relax already, boar. I can't very well fall asleep with you stiff as a board behind me."</p>
<p>Like magic, Dimitri complies, sighing against the small of Felix's neck. His breath is warm and tickles, almost as if he were really human. </p>
<p>"Thank you, Felix," Dimitri says, all joy and contentment, and Felix has to resist the urge to scoff. </p>
<p>He should be the one thanking him. For all his help. For keeping him alive and helping him back to the surface. Instead--</p>
<p>"Don't. I have no need for the pathetic simpering of a loyal dog." </p>
<p><em>Give me my friend back,</em> he wants to say, and doesn't. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Felix sleeps better that night than he has in recent memory, waking up to the boar and his fur cloak both wrapped around him, warm and safe. It's nice. He feels almost rejuvenated from the hardships of the previous day, from how utterly leaden his gait had felt.</p>
<p>And even after they set out again, Felix decides to keep the cloak, taking comfort in how much it smells like him. Like… Dima. He's not sure how the realization eluded him the previous night they'd spent together through the storm. But it's there, quiet and true even in hindsight. </p>
<p>The peace of his scent trapped between the furs of the cloak is not to last for him, however. As each step gets ever-harder to take, so does reality around him seem to get increasingly warmer-- until the sky on the horizon appears to shimmer, lying to him about what is waiting in the distance. </p>
<p>"It was unbearably cold yesterday. Now it's sweltering," he says, pulling the cloak off to hold only to reluctantly pass it onto Dimitri's outreached hand after witnessing his pathetically begging puppy-dog eyes. The loss of weight is a relief, even if he doesn't want to admit it. "I wish this place would pick a weather and stick to it."</p>
<p>Instead, it's his clothes that feel like they're sticking to him, Felix running a haggard hand through his hair only to encounter sweat on his forehead along the way. More than unkempt, he feels utterly and completely disgusting.</p>
<p>"We're nearing Tartarus. It's only going to get worse from here, I'm afraid."</p>
<p>"Nearing it," Felix mutters, disbelief slipping into his voice. "If this is what it's like on the outside of it, what's it going to be like when we're <em>in it?</em>"</p>
<p>"Hell," Dimitri says, and Felix believes him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The shimmering horizon promising a nice, temperate oasis turns out to be the very border they must cross into Tartarus. </p>
<p>"It's a… lie, of sorts," Dimitri explains once the two of them are stopped in front of it.</p>
<p>"I'm familiar with them," Felix remarks, trying to ignore the pang in his chest at the way Dimitri seems to wince.</p>
<p>"The souls that end up in Asphodel cannot cross this border as you and I will be able to, so this… smokescreen serves as a way to trick them into believing that there is somewhere better they could have been, even in spite of the horrid conditions beyond."</p>
<p><em>Horrid.</em> Oh, he's just thrilled.</p>
<p>"Shall we?" Dimitri asks, holding out his hand. </p>
<p>Letting out a long-aggrieved sigh, Felix takes his hand, doing his best not to read into the gesture all too much. "If we must."</p>
<p>The change is immediate, the wall of heat that strikes him so relentlessly suffocating that Felix is almost certain this is what it must feel like to step into an oven. </p>
<p>It's almost hard to breathe. </p>
<p>"A-are you all right, Felix?"</p>
<p>"Fine," Felix chokes out, turning to look at him only to find that he is no longer standing. His knees feel weak, even now that they're pressed into the dirt. Except that, no-- this isn't dirt. There's no life here. Only igneous rock, the numerous cracks between giving way to molten fire-- magma in varying states of hardness. </p>
<p>When did he collapse?</p>
<p>A strong hand slips under his arm to help lift him up, Felix stumbling somewhat by the time he manages to stand up straight.</p>
<p>"Are you quite certain? I can always carry you."</p>
<p>"Don't you dare," Felix grinds out, and sets off to keep walking. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It borders on emasculating, how little trouble the oppressive heat seems to be giving Dimitri. </p>
<p>The land around them is dead, with next to no way to tell how far they've traveled once the border to Asphodel has been left in the dust of the horizon. </p>
<p>If he thought yesterday was bad, today borders on unbearable.</p>
<p>"How are you faring, Felix?"</p>
<p>He scoffs. "Oh, brilliant. Never felt better."</p>
<p>"I'm serious. I need to know your condition to ensure that we reach our destination in time."</p>
<p>Right. Because he is dying at a truly rapid rate.</p>
<p>"My lungs feel like they're filled with ash to the point where I can hardly catch my breath, I can barely feel my limbs, my head is pounding, I feel sweaty, weak, and exhausted down to my bones… satisfied?" He shakes his head. "How anyone even survives this journey is beyond me."</p>
<p>"Ah… some do not make it. But the others… most of them are great heroes or demigods."</p>
<p>Oh. Fantastic. He's doing all of this on hard mode. </p>
<p>"Here," Dimitri says, pulling a mango out of nowhere. "Let's take a moment to rest."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>&amp;</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rest ends up turning into a nap he hadn't intended upon taking, Dimitri allowing Felix to sleep for as long as his body seems to ask of him before finally insisting on continuing their journey. </p>
<p>He doesn't even care that he's covered in sweat, doesn't care that every step is dragging him on. The path through Tartarus is the most taxing, most dangerous one so far, and he feels it in every last part of him. </p>
<p>His standards are slipping, his pride pushed haphazardly to the wayside-- </p>
<p>"Felix…?"</p>
<p>Surely, surely they couldn't possibly be that much further from their destination, could they? They've already endured these conditions for so long by now, there must be an end in sight, and <em>soon,</em> lest he die here.</p>
<p>"Maybe we can rest again," he says, only to find no words coming out. Something is… something is wrong. </p>
<p>"Felix--!"</p>
<p>"<em>Help,</em>" he tries then, his lips moving only for no sound to escape. </p>
<p>The world spins. And when he thinks he's about to hit the ground, a pair of soft, strong arms catch him instead, just in time for the world to go dark.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Felix awakens, it is as if from a long dream, ridding himself of the last vestiges of sleep as he rubs at his eyes.</p><p>He feels… better. Better than he has in days, not that that's saying much. After all, they were just in Tartarus, Felix having lost consciousness--</p><p>Sitting up, Felix blinks at his surroundings. </p><p>This isn't the tent he shared with Dimitri. It is <em>far</em> from sweltering. Dimitri is nowhere to be found. A nice breeze blows by as his bare hand makes contact with marble parquet. </p><p>He's… in Dimitri's temple. Alive and well, back on the surface--</p><p>How did he make it past the judgment of the god of the underworld? And--</p><p>
  <em>Where's Dimitri? </em>
</p><p>A million questions race through his mind all at once, but that one seems to reign supreme above all others.</p><p>"You--" Felix clears his throat, finding his voice hoarse and rough from seeming disuse. "You abandoned me again," he mutters. "Is that what this is? I didn't even--"</p><p>Not even a chance to say goodbye. Figures. </p><p>The only proof he actually still has is Dimitri's cloak, Felix having woken up atop it. </p><p>It still smells like him. </p><p>Like… Dima.</p><p>Getting up on shaky legs-- evidently just as worn out as his voice-- Felix takes notice of a tightness on his chest, one almost certainly new to his body. Even while in the underworld, he knows fully well that he didn't sustain this. Drawing down his chiton, he frowns. The scar across his chest is jagged and ugly, a stark reminder of the death he suffered, the blade that pierced his chest.</p><p>It's also an excellent reminder of another fact: that he needs to leave, and soon. If someone were to find him here, it would not bode well for him. Most men, after all, do not come back from the dead, and the last thing he wants is to have to explain himself to his father.</p><p>So he sets off for the shoreline. </p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>Once he starts walking, Felix finds, it's hard to stop. </p><p>Most of the time, his home is the road. As if his time in the underworld had given him a fine taste of the outdoors, tents come to be more than enough shelter for him. He tends a small house in the capital, one gifted to him by a customer, but with no one to come home to, he doesn't see a reason to spend too much time there, preferring the constant excitement derived from the day-to-day of his newest chosen profession. </p><p>As a misthios, he aids the people. Making the most of his life, he supposes. Someone needs help restoring stolen goods, someone else requires a bandit camp to be cleared out-- Felix had always known that his fighting prowess would come in handy someday. </p><p>Perhaps Dimitri would be proud of his new path in life. </p><p>Not that he should care. Not after he decided to abandon him a second time. </p><p>And yet--</p><p>The nights that he spends in his home in the capital-- small, but large enough to hold a family and a few servants-- are profoundly lonely with just him there, and he can't help but miss Dimitri, his thoughts drifting back to his ridiculous little wish for them, a life spent together in each other's company.</p><p>What kind of god would wish for mortality? And for someone like him, no less. Especially considering how he treated him--</p><p>In the end, he supposes it doesn't matter. He goes about his day-to-day, and life goes on, with or without Dimitri.</p><p>It's fine. All of it is just… fine. </p><p>Or rather-- it is, but only until he starts to become convinced that someone is following him.</p><p>At first he's sure he must just be seeing things, paranoia getting the better of him-- the persistent stare of a dog here, the watchful eye of an old woman there-- but as the moments increase in frequency, he feels almost certain that he's not making something out of nothing.</p><p>The problem is that the motivations of his stalkers could all differ vastly. </p><p>The most likely suspects would be a potential customer, however shy they may be about their request for aid, or someone intent on getting revenge, wishing murder on him on account of his killing one of their family members. Or worse-- a rival misthios hoping to wipe out their competition. </p><p>Then there would be the option of some lunatic, erroneously infatuated with him on account of his looks. Ridiculous, but nevertheless (unfortunately) plausible. </p><p>Another unfortunate possibility would be someone from his hometown, having come to the realization that, in spite of his fake name, he is nevertheless Felix Fraldarius, and not the elusive misthios Kyphon. </p><p>Still, he knows what his heart hopes it to be. Dimitri, simply unable to stay away from him, to fully abandon him a second time. </p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>He comes to terms with the fact that it almost certainly could not be Dimitri when he manages to evade death for the third time the next day. </p><p>It's strange; where before, he might have encountered one life-threatening situation per week, now he's encountering several per day, most of them miraculously stalled by good samaritans, random objects, or the helpful nudge of an animal to push him out of the way. </p><p>One falling boulder, runaway oxen cart, or alcoholic madman with a knife <em>might</em> have been a coincidence. But several in a row? </p><p>Not to mention that it is simply getting annoying. More than Felix's concerns over dying again, having to defend himself against the threats on his life turns out to be more than a little bad for business. It's hardly viable that he take on a group of bandits whilst a crazed yia-yia comes after him intending to slay him with a broom. </p><p>So he's home.</p><p>An eagle owl has been watching him from one of the nearby rooftops for some time; being out in the open on his own rooftop has its advantages, making him somehow feel both safer and less so, but the bird's stare borders on unnerving, touching on a nerve he hasn't dared touch in some time. </p><p>The people watching him, following him-- after everything he's seen and experienced over the last few weeks, the possibility of them being of the supernatural variety has certainly not escaped him. And if a god or goddess has it out for him, he knows he's pretty much fucked. Just as Dimitri's abilities were sufficient to pull him out of the underworld and back into the world of the living, so would another deity be able to reverse his work just as easily. And bringing him back from the dead yet again… </p><p>It would be pointless. If one of the gods really has it out for him, it would be far more trouble than it would be worth. </p><p>Not to mention that Dimitri hardly even seems to care about his being alive again. </p><p>A few rooftops away, the owl seems to scratch an itch before returning his attention to Felix. Pin-point. As if fixated on him and him alone.</p><p>It's unnerving. </p><p>Reaching for his kykeon, Felix takes a sip before realizing the bird is gone. </p><p>If anything, its disappearance is even more unnerving, Felix looking around him in case any killer birds are about to pick his head off. </p><p>Instead, the wet snout of a dog nudges at his leg, Felix just about jumping out of his skin as he yelps. "Ah! What the <em>fuck--!</em>"</p><p>The dog-- a scraggly, unkempt blond mutt from the look of it-- seems hardly affected by his outcry, just blinking up at Felix with big, blue, pathetic puppy dog eyes.</p><p>Wait a minute. He knows those fucking eyes.</p><p>"Oh, you've got to be kidding me. <em>Now</em> you come see me, and it's as a fucking <em>dog?</em>"</p><p>The mutt in front of him shifts shape into one he recognizes, but with one considerable difference: he's missing an eye.</p><p>"It's been months, boar."</p><p>If it's possible for Dimitri to look even more pathetic, he manages, moving to kneel on the ground before him. "I-- I'm sorry."</p><p>"What the hell happened to you?"</p><p>Dimitri has the decency to at least look appropriately ashamed, hanging his head as he shakes his head. </p><p>"What the hell even happened in <em>Tartarus?</em>" he continues, his glower dark. "I remember passing out and just waking up alive again-- and you? Nowhere to be found, naturally."</p><p>"Felix…"</p><p>"You know, I waited for you to come back and explain yourself. You could have come anytime. You took the time to drag me out of Elysium, but apparently you couldn't find the time to give me a five-minute explanation of what happened after I lost consciousness? What horseshit."</p><p>"I had to… I had to make a trade for your life," he explains, slow. "But it was worth it."</p><p>"What did you trade, boar?"</p><p>Dimitri says nothing, seemingly unaffected by Felix's glare, his clipped tone. </p><p>"What did you trade?" he tries again, harder this time.</p><p>"My… my eye."</p><p>Well, that explains that, at least.</p><p>"-- but it was worth it," Dimitri continues, scrambling to get the words in, one eye wide. "And I would do it again to bring you back."</p><p>"Blind yourself?" Felix scoffs. "For someone you didn't even care enough to go see? Don't make me laugh."</p><p>"I-- I wanted to. I wished to, desperately. But… you-- you still hate me, do you not?"</p><p>"Of course I still hate you."</p><p>He doesn't. He knows he doesn't. It's an unsettling feeling, knowing how much he's long since ceased to hate Dimitri. </p><p>Not that he can criticize Dimitri's logic, not if his words are true. </p><p>After all, why would he wish to go see a man who claimed to hate him-- and in spite of all he'd done for Felix, too. If anything, he probably assumed Felix wished to be left alone, seeing as he's never suggested otherwise. </p><p><em>I missed you,</em> a part of him wants to say, Felix nevertheless holding his tongue. Even if it has been profoundly lonely without him.</p><p>"I see." Dimitri stalls, staring at the ground before him, seemingly at a loss. "Should-- should I leave? Do you wish me to--"</p><p>"No." Felix is swift in his refusal, his voice firm as he scowls at the man… <em>god</em> still kneeling before him. Ridiculous.</p><p>"No…?" He sounds so pitiful then that Felix almost gives in to his own emotions, Dimitri blinking up at him. "What… what do you wish of me? What would you have me do, Felix?"</p><p>"I'm going to turn the question around on you, you pathetic beast. What do <em>you</em> want? Why are you even here? To see me? You've done that. Surely you must have come here for a reason."</p><p>"I… nothing has changed, Felix. I am still as weak as I was before. I wish nothing more than to be with you."</p><p>Scoffing, Felix allows his bare foot to push at Dimitri's shoulder as if willing him to sit up straight, to stop looking so utterly pathetic. "Some god of war you are."</p><p>"I was never good at the task assigned to me. I am nothing more than a soldier, meant to take my role without question and do as I am told. To fulfill my duty to the natural order. Wars happen because of strife between kingdoms, because populations grow too large and rulers can no longer provide for their own. I simply have to… make them happen."</p><p>Felix blinks. That doesn't make any sense. "There hasn't been a war in a long time. In any of the surrounding territories. No border wars, no political squabbles--"</p><p>"Ah. Yes." Dimitri looks askance, his gaze sheepish, ashamed. It's a not too uncommon sight, so much so that Felix doesn't expect what comes next, not entirely. "I fear that I have been rather neglectful of my duties."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Well, in truth, at first it was you. I… I missed you, and I'm afraid that my many trips to the capital to see you were cutting into my time to do my job."</p><p>Felix blinks. "You didn't come see me."</p><p>"I did. You… simply didn't notice my presence."</p><p>Setting down his mug of kykeon, Felix shakes his head. "No, <em>I did.</em> I thought someone was <em>stalking me.</em>"</p><p>"Ah… about that," Dimitri starts, Felix already certain that he's right to have a bad feeling about this, "my sister noticed my neglect and decided to take action. In-- in the one way I simply cannot allow."</p><p>"What is that supposed to mean?"</p><p>Dimitri takes in a deep, long-suffering sigh, looking rather as though all the weight of the world rests on his shoulders. "She has been trying to kill you. I fear she may be somewhat frustrated with me."</p><p>"Frustrated? <em>Somewhat?</em>" Felix all but spits, staring at Dimitri. "I <em>thought</em> somewhat was out to get me, but I didn't think--" Well, no. He <em>did</em> very much consider the possibility of a god or goddess hoping to sic death on him yet again, but-- the reality of it feels different, more tangible. Terrifying. "You didn't think to tell me about this threat on my life?"</p><p>"I have been preventing all of them so far! And I-- didn't wish to worry you. I merely… it is starting to get worse. I don't know what she's hoping to accomplish; if anything, she's been making it harder for me to get any work done. Spending all my time down here and watching over you--"</p><p>"I get it already," Felix snaps, sighing as he sighs back. This is… a lot. "Why are you here, then? If you're so busy keeping vases from falling on me and crazed hyenas from attacking me, why come tell me all of this?"</p><p>"I didn't mean to. But after you saw me watching you-- ah, I was the owl, you see?--" </p><p>"-- yes, I was aware--"</p><p>"--I simply couldn't help myself. I have missed you so." </p><p>He says it in such a deeply affected way that something inside of Felix's heart lurches-- painfully, miserably. </p><p>
  <em>I also--</em>
</p><p>"Pathetic," he scoffs, looking aside, anywhere but at Dimitri. "No impulse control, just like a wild boar."</p><p>"Yes," Dimitri whispers.</p><p>"All this-- bringing me back, neglecting your duties, trying to save my life yet again-- and for what? To be with a man you know to hate you? Have you truly so little self-respect?"</p><p>"I love you," Dimitri says, his voice cracking.</p><p>The words seep into Felix's skin, settling there like an uncomfortable weight in his stomach until he knows they're true, until he knows they must be true. Because Dimitri-- Dimitri has no reason to lie about this, to make a fool of him by claiming something so utterly ridiculous only for it to turn out to have been false all alone. He… he actually thinks that. Knows it, even.</p><p>In his own way, he loves Felix. </p><p>Felix, who deserves the sentiment as little as the truth of it. Felix, who has done nothing but been cruel to him.</p><p>Pinching the bridge of his nose, Felix closes his eyes, willing his eyes to keep the maelstrom of emotions at bay for just a little longer. This was a lot before, and is a lot still. More now, if anything. </p><p>"I… have you been reading my mind, boar?"</p><p>It would explain a lot, at least. For all his contrarian character, he would not be able to hide the truth from prying eyes that knew better.</p><p>"Not since Elysium."</p><p>Mm. He thought not.</p><p>"You asked me not to," Dimitri supplements, Felix stifling a groan. </p><p>"Hm."</p><p>"Would… would you like me to? Would that be easier for you?"</p><p>"Fuck, no. Don't you dare start prying around in my head now." He clears his throat, resurfacing from where he'd had the bridge of his nose pinched, head bowed. His eyes, as if drawn by the pull of a magnet, move straight to Dimitri, that pathetic puppy dog look. "I know you didn't," he mutters, looking away again after just a moment, his gaze burning too bright. "I know you… wouldn't."</p><p>Shaking his head, Dimitri sighs."Forgive me for prying into your personal affairs tonight. I realize it was selfish of me to invade the sanctity of your domicile."</p><p>"It's just the roof," Felix says, rolling his eyes. "There's no need to be dramatic about it."</p><p>"Still."</p><p>What he <em>does</em> wish to be dramatic about is the fact that he likes having Dimitri here, that he could even go as far as to say that he <em>wants</em> him here. After months of profound loneliness, this is… nice, nicer than he cares to admit. </p><p>And not just because it's the company of another human being. But because it's Dimitri. </p><p>The thought that he might have feelings for him is one that had entered his mind before, Felix shutting it down promptly after it had first appeared. After all, the man before him is… not the man he once hated. </p><p>He's a pathetic god of war, truly. Far from the belligerent Dimitri whose temple he used to spit at the foot of, the man before him resembles Dima much more than anyone else. </p><p>And Dima… Dima he misses desperately. </p><p>Still. After all this time. Even in spite of knowing what he knows now.</p><p>"... Felix?"</p><p>Felix blinks, glancing up at Dimitri again. Had he been saying something?</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"What would you have me do? You haven't said."</p><p>That's true, he supposes he hasn't. </p><p>This time, Feix stares at him for a long time, longer than he normally feels comfortable staring at anyone.</p><p>"You love me," he says slowly, as if testing out the words on his tongue. They taste foreign, different. Hard to swallow. </p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"What does that mean?"</p><p>"Ah… pardon?"</p><p>"You're a god," he says, gesturing with his mug before taking another sip. "What's a god's conception of love? Is this the love of a mother? Of a god? Or of a mortal? Are gods even--" He's tempted to scoff at himself then, looking away as he scowls. "Is your kind even capable of it? Of loving someone like a mortal?"</p><p>He knows there have been legends-- dozens of them, if not more-- each one more tragic than the next. Is that his fear? That whatever this is between them will inevitably end in tragedy?</p><p>"I… I don't understand. Why wouldn't we be capable of it?"</p><p>"I seem to have forgotten that I am speaking with a beast." Gesturing in the general direction of his hometown, he continues. "The love shared by my mother and father was different from the love my mother felt toward me, her son. I have no interest in another brother, another father- or mother-figure. Dima and I were friends who cared deeply for one another. I'm asking if that's all this is. This love you speak of-- is it friendship? The love a god feels toward a favorite subject? Or something sacred shared between lovers?"</p><p>He knows he's being cruel in asking this of him, in speaking of Dima as though he is not Dimitri's past, present, and future. As though that part of him-- the part that Felix did love once-- is gone entirely.</p><p>When he knows it isn't. When they both know that Dima is kneeling right in front of him, close enough to touch for longer than his younger self could have ever dreamed of.</p><p>"When I gaze wistfully into the pool of mortals, it is not with the love of a god unto his favorite subject, his favoured champion. It is not as a father might look upon his son, or a man upon his brother. My hand would touch the water of the pool as if hoping to caress your face and my sister would call me a lovelorn, pathetic fool."</p><p>"You are," Felix mutters, turning away again. This is-- too much, the emotion suffocatingly thick, squeezing his heart as though in a vice grip. "Pathetic fool, no sense of self-preservation."</p><p>To choose him, of all people. </p><p>"I love you as Loog loved Kyphon, as my father loved my mother. I love you not as a god, but as a man."</p><p>Is that why he wished to become mortal? Felix feels his neck burn hot, the skyline of the city not nearly distracting enough for his purposes right now. </p><p>"Why?" he asks, shocked to find his voice steady. </p><p>"Because I know who you are in your heart. I need not read your thoughts to know you, Felix. You have always been a good man. Your tongue may be sharp, but in your heart you have always been just and true, honest and kind."</p><p>Felix wants to argue with him, and desperately, but he knows it will get him nowhere. If he really can see what's inside his heart, there is no point. </p><p>And this conversation is starting to make it ache.</p><p>"Go home," he finally says, his gaze still fixed on a single spot on the horizon. "Go home and do your job. I'll have made up my mind by the same time tomorrow. You can come back then."</p><p>"Felix…"</p><p>"<em>Go.</em>"</p><p>If he tries to make a decision right now, he knows it'll be the false one. He's too soft, too fragile at the moment, his heart heavy as he shakes his head. It's not what he wants to do, but what he knows has to be done, for better or for worse. </p><p>If nothing else, he needs to think about this. It's just a matter of… untangling his heart from the knots Dimitri seems to have meticulously woven around it. Any more time spent with him, and he's sure he could never extract himself again. </p><p>Looking up, he finds Dimitri already gone, the argument he had cued-up on in his throat dying on his tongue. </p><p>Ah. </p><p>Maybe he shouldn't feel disappointed by his absence, considering that he sent him away. Maybe. </p><p>But he does. </p><p>So much so that it aches, his heart of hearts having long come to recognize Dimitri for Dima again. </p><p>He needs… time to think. </p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>Staying alive-- and out of Dimitri's way, ideally-- means staying at home the next day, pacing a pattern into the floor with his thoughts on the matter. </p><p>By the time dusk falls, he thinks he almost has a solution. </p><p>If he can just get him out of his system--if he can get both of them out of <em>each other's system--</em> all of this will just… resolve itself. They'll have learned their lesson, realized that their feelings are far from genuine, and Dimitri will be able to move on.</p><p>Felix won't have to, as he has nothing to move on from in the first place. </p><p>Dimitri will be able to return to doing his duty, his sister will realize that he is no longer endangering the natural order of things with his folly, and Felix will be able to go back to doing <em>his</em> job, no longer worried about packs of wild goats stampeding down the streets of the capital with the sole purpose of running him over. </p><p>All will be well so long as he can show Dimitri that his feelings are superficial. </p><p>After all, he's never known romantic love before. Certainly not sexual love, or Felix would have heard of it, surely-- if not from Dimitri, then from the many legends surrounding him. Dimitri learning just how unnecessarily crude the coupling of mortals truly is may be just the thing to change his mind once and for all.</p><p>So he waits for a knock that never comes, Felix sitting in the center courtyard of his home as he sharpens his blades. </p><p>This time, it's a wolf that comes sauntering down the stairs, a scraggly thing wagging its tail, tongue lolling out as he looks at Felix with the same blue eyes he's come to find so comforting, so familiar.</p><p>This is not the time for him to turn into a lovelorn fool, Felix sighing as he takes in the wolf sitting back on its haunches before him. "You know, there's nothing inconspicuous about this disguise of yours. Dreadful, really."</p><p>The wolf before him shifts back into the form most familiar to him, Dimitri looking sheepish. "I hardly know."</p><p>"That much is obvious," Felix mutters, setting blade and whetstone down with a sigh. "Come on."</p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>Felix leads the way into the bedroom, Dimitri blinking as he takes in the reality of his surroundings. </p><p>"This is…"</p><p>"I've set aside plenty of oils, so just--" He sighs, sweeping his arm out in a gesture he hopes to be plenty indicative of what he intends to do. With Dimitri. </p><p>What he intends for Dimitri to do to him. </p><p>"F-Felix," Dimitri stammers, his eyes wide as recognition seems to dawn on him. "You-- I-- c-couldn't <em>possibly--</em>"</p><p>"You were the one who said you wanted to be my lover. So unless you were only talking about holding my hand…"</p><p>"I--" Dimitri balks, Felix's scowl only deepening. </p><p>"Should I take this to mean that your romantic love didn't factor in sex? Utterly ridiculous, considering how much you seem to adore your sacrificial virgins, but I should have known you'd be a coward about this."</p><p>"I-- I've never--" He shakes his head, his gaze seemingly fixated on the bed. Not in revulsion as much as alarm, panic. </p><p>"Figures," Felix mutters, slowly nodding. "Well, I haven't either. So if you decide that you actually want me, you can let me know."</p><p>There's a blush spanning his features, he knows, Felix deciding to head for the door in several long strides. There's no point in being upset. He's not worth it. He's <em>not.</em> </p><p>A hand shoots out to grip Felix's arm, tightening around it, and when Felix turns to look back at him, he finds the blush dusting his cheeks matching his own. </p><p>"I-- I do. But… forgive me, I confess to having no experience in the matter. I fear that I will make an inadequate lover at best. And I--" He clears his throat, his expression more serious than Felix thinks he's ever seen him. "I have never thought myself worthy of you in such a… mortal capacity."</p><p>Something inside of his chest aches, Felix looking away from the heat of Dimitri's gaze. Too much, yet again. If yesterday was a test of his strength, he failed spectacularly-- only to fail yet again today. </p><p>He clears his throat. "I'm offering, aren't I?"</p><p>"You are," Dimitri nods, letting go of Felix's arm only to brush a lock of his hair out of his face, soft-- gentler than the god of war should have any right to be. "Might I… might I kiss you?"</p><p>"You don't--" Feeling his blush deepen, Felix's gaze remains stubbornly fixed on the floor, face still turned away from the love burning in Dimitri's eyes. Maybe this was a bad idea. "You don't need to ask me."</p><p>Stunned as the sentiment seems to have made him, Dimitri nevertheless reaches out to cradle Felix's cheek, turning his face toward him. It's <em>embarrassing,</em> but at least he doesn't have to look directly at him-- and when Dimitri leans in to allow his lips to brush against his, his eyes slip closed of their own accord. </p><p>He's slept in the same bed as this man-- no, this <em>god--</em> and yet kissing him feels so far outside of the realm of realism that Felix can hardly stand it. This isn't their norm, and yet it still seems somehow profoundly <em>right,</em> the way Dimitri's lips move over his making him feel like he might just melt.</p><p>For someone who claims not to know what they're doing… Dimitri seems good at this, even with Felix lacking a point of comparison.</p><p>But whether or not he's any good in the sack means little. The only thing that really matters is that it stays a physical thing-- nothing more. If he can push down, squash any manner of feelings behind desire-- then it'll be fine. </p><p>Not that he assumed desire to factor into this in the first place, not really.</p><p>But it <em>does,</em> Felix feeling his lips part as Dimitri's tongue begs him for entrance. It's somewhat clumsy, but he manages to get his arms around his neck, fingers winding into remarkably soft, remarkably human-feeling hair.</p><p>He's never desired anything, any <em>one</em> before, not really. But Dimitri, <em>Dima--</em></p><p>He pushes the thought aside, correcting the scowl on his face as he pulls Dimitri closer to deepen their kiss, messy and haphazard, desperate to keep this driven on by lust instead of the love threatening at his door. </p><p>Bracing himself by the back of Dimitri's neck, Felix pulls his legs up off the ground to wrap around his waist, one hand tightening in his hair, almost tugging, <em>almost.</em></p><p>"Felix--" Dimitri interrupts, pulling back from their kiss to stare at him, eyes wide. "Perhaps we ought to slow down--?"</p><p>"No," he says, shaking his head as his free hand fists in the front of Dimitri's shirt. This time he does tug, as if willing him to lean in to kiss him again. "You either fuck me like you want me or not at all. So which one is it going to be?"</p><p>For a moment, Dimitri looks almost aggrieved, surprise giving way to sadness. Felix has to resist the urge to wince and change his mind. Just because Dimitri is sad--</p><p>Just because this isn't what he had in mind-- </p><p>It's no reason to <em>stop.</em> This is for their own good, Felix reminds himself. For both his and Dimitri's good, to come back to their senses and realize how ridiculous all of this is.</p><p>"I don't want to <em>make love,</em>" he all but spits, Felix turning to look away. "Just fuck me like you mean it and quit stalling."</p><p>"... as you wish," Dimitri says, his voice soft as he carries Felix to the bed, laying him down far too gently for the purposes intended. </p><p>"The oils are over there."</p><p>"Felix," Dimitri starts slowly, his gaze momentarily falling to the floor. "If you wished it-- ah, I do hope you've considered that I can always… change my appearance, if that's what you'd like most."</p><p>Felix's body all but revolts against the thought, his expression as dark as it is accusatory. What would be the point of sleeping with Dimitri, of getting him out of his system, if he didn't look like himself?</p><p>"What are you <em>talking about?</em>" </p><p>"If-- if you wished to be with Dima again… the way he'd look now, as you are at your age--"</p><p>His body's earlier revolt turns into something worse, almost violent, Felix staring in utter disbelief. </p><p>Look… like Dima? Not like the child, but like… something in between this and how he looked to Felix as they grew up together. A young man of his age, most likely… just as attractive as Dimitri has ever been.</p><p>"No," he hears himself say, almost amazed when his voice comes out even instead of shaky. "Absolutely not."</p><p>The unspoken words linger between them, still: <em>You're not him.</em> </p><p>Even though he is. Even though they're one and the same-- Dimitri is not allowed that right. </p><p>And Felix couldn't possibly be allowed to… be with him, either.</p><p>The way Dimitri is looking at him borders on painful, guilt welling up in Felix's throat even as he decides to not give into it or the pain inside his own chest-- instead, he sits up, pulls his clothes off, and casts them aside without fanfare before getting on all fours. Reaching back, he pulls himself open with one hand, hoping that the glance he levels over his shoulder at Dimitri does the communicating for him.</p><p>It doesn't.</p><p>"Well?" he asks, annoyance creeping its way into his voice. "What are you waiting for?"</p><p>Dimitri looks at a loss, glancing down at himself. "S-surely you are not prepared--"</p><p>"Then you'll have to make me, won't you?"</p><p>Turning back around to face the wall, Felix feels his fist tighten its grip on the sheets. He's being cruel, he knows, but-- </p><p>The alternative strikes him as worse, somehow. </p><p>As if, were he to open the door to his feelings, he might never be able to shut it again. </p><p>"I-- I'm not certain that I know… how to."</p><p>"Oh, for fuck's sake," Felix mutters, grabbing one of the oils to pour some out onto his fingers. "It's not exactly difficult, you just--" Sliding middle- and fore-finger inside of him in a practiced in-and-out, Felix shudders. "-- fuck me with your fingers until you think I can take your cock."</p><p>When Dimitri hesitates, Felix turns to look back at him only to find him glancing back and forth between Felix's fingers and his cock. </p><p>His… cock, which is rock-hard and… considerable in size. </p><p>Ah. </p><p>"I do not wish to hurt you, Felix."</p><p>"If you're not entirely incompetent, you won't." Withdrawing his fingers, he grabs the small bottle to hold out to Dimitri. "It's not like I haven't fingered myself before, so you don't have to worry about breaking me."</p><p>Allowing himself to face the wall again, Felix listens: first, the sound of the cork; then, the sound of a <em>bloop</em> sending more oil out of the bottle than anticipated, Dimitri's surprised <em>oh!</em> bringing a smile to his face before he catches himself. </p><p>What is he <em>doing?</em> </p><p>The unspoken question hangs in the air, unanswered, when Dimitri presses a long finger inside of him, thicker than his own and able to go so much deeper. A shuddered gasp suffices until he starts fucking him it it, the sound turning into a strangled moan. </p><p>"Like this…?" Dimitri asks, Felix's hand tightening in the sheets beneath him. </p><p>"Ah, fuck-- I can take more than that, boar--"</p><p>He says it, but as soon as Dimitri inserts another finger to join the first, he's far less certain of his words. Dimitri's fingers are thicker than his own, and the most he's ever attempted were two. This, right now, feels more like three of his own, Felix inhaling sharply as he allows his head to fall forward, buried in the pillow before him.</p><p>"Felix…?"</p><p>"'m fine," he grumbles, mostly muffled by the pillow. "Add another one."</p><p>"You couldn't possibly be ready--"</p><p>Lifting his head once more, Felix turns to glower at Dimitri. "Just do it, boar. I'm not made of porcelain like you seem to think."</p><p>Not that he can fault him for worrying, even in excess-- especially if he was the one to save Felix's hide over and over again over the last few weeks.</p><p>Fuck. </p><p>A third finger is slid inside of him, Felix only barely muffling the groan that leaves him. The stretch is considerable now, almost making for a burning sensation, and Felix wills his body to relax. </p><p>The sooner this is over, the better. </p><p>After all-- it's hard not to think about Dimitri while he's doing this, taking such extraordinary care to tend to him, to make this good for him instead of painful as it perhaps could be. Even with his face pressed into the pillow, he's impossible to ignore, his scent already seemingly everywhere, as though his surroundings have been forever altered by his presence. </p><p>Felix isn't even sure if he'd prefer the alternative. </p><p>No Dimitri, no lingering, cloying sweetness in the air and embedded in his sheets, no blush-stained boar to look at him like he's his whole world… </p><p>The thought strikes him as profoundly lonely, Felix gripping onto the sheets beneath him as he squeezes his eyes shut. </p><p>Wasn't the whole point of this exercise to get him out of his system? </p><p>"It's-- fine now. Just fuck me," he hisses, sparing another glance back at Dimitri's cock. By the gods, it really is massive, isn't it?</p><p>It should be easy to ignore the sad look in Dimitri's gaze. It has been so far, after all. But even as he turns back around to face the wall, it's hard to get out of his head. </p><p>Even when Dimitri nestles his cock between his cheeks, rocking against him somewhat experimentally, does the image linger, Felix unable to picture anything else. </p><p>And when Dimitri lines himself up at his entrance, his grief feels so profound within the air between them that Felix thinks he might start to cry.</p><p>Dima was always good at making him feel comfortable with his tears-- allowing them to fall, comforting him at the worst of times. But this--</p><p>This isn't something Dima can fix. Because he's... not here.</p><p>(That lie is getting increasingly hard to tell.) </p><p>"Please-- do not hesitate to tell me if I am causing you harm in some way. I will cease at once as soon as you but say the word."</p><p><em>Shut up!</em> his brain wants to scream, Felix squeezing his eyes shut.</p><p>"I do not wish to hurt you, Felix. In truth, it is the last thing I wish to do. I have done so much of that already in this lifetime of yours and the last. If I can but make up for that in some small way--"</p><p>His cock presses past his entrance, just barely, and Felix grips onto the pain, holds it close to him as if it is the one thing still keeping him sane. </p><p>And it is: The pain thunders out Dimitri's too-sweet words, deafening him to truths he does not wish to hear. </p><p>So he grits his teeth and pushes back against his cock as if determined to fit more of him inside. Only once he sees a tunnel start to form around the edges of his vision does he slow his pace, a groan leaving Dimitri behind him. </p><p>"F-Felix," he gasps. The noises leaving him shift to the absurd just as Felix thinks he really might just pass out from the burning stretch. The head is thick and Felix is nothing if not stubborn, determined to do this too soon and too fast. </p><p>Even breathing feels like a labor, Felix only allowing himself the luxury of it once the head slips past his entrance. Thick and bulbous, its presence inside of him is a comfort instead of the agony its passage had been. </p><p>His consciousness returned to him, Felix takes in the moans leaving Dimitri behind him. He can't help it; he wants to foster more of these noises within him, wants to feel as wanted and desired as he does now, forever. </p><p>"Are you sure you're all right?" Dimitri asks, Felix finding that he does not have an answer for him on the matter. "I feared the worst for a few moments; that I had lost you entirely."</p><p>"Not made of porcelain," he mutters again, shaking his head. "It's fine."</p><p>As if he hadn't just come dangerously close to passing out. As if Dimitri's cock isn't massive. As if he doesn't feel as though his entire intestinal tract won't be angry with him tomorrow. Even sitting down feels like it will be a chore, to say nothing of training. </p><p>"Can you put more of that monster cock in me, already? I don't have all day."</p><p>Another lie. He does. Of course he does. </p><p>It's not as though he can go outside to work, not with Dimitri's extended family all too eager to kill him. Somehow… he's safest with him, the god indirectly responsible for his death. </p><p>He truly has nowhere better to be than in Dimitri's arms, his cock sliding the rest of the way inside of him.</p><p>"<em>Fuck.</em>"</p><p>The word comes out louder than he intends it to, Felix's fingers unfurling only to curl right back into the pillow keeping his eyes safely shrouded in darkness. Skin against skin like this, Dimitri pressed flush up against him, it's impossible to think about anything other than <em>him.</em> </p><p>Dimitri, who really loves him. Who would do anything in his power just to make him happy. </p><p>Who literally pulled him out of the underworld just so he might have another chance at life-- with or without him at his side. </p><p>"Are you all right, Felix?"</p><p>He's not. "I'm fine," he says, throwing aside all manner of honesty. If anything, he feels close to tears, at the precipice overlooking a vast chasm, one from which he would surely not return. "Just move, boar."</p><p>The sooner they get this over with, the sooner he can go back to feeling like himself again.</p><p>Dimitri hesitates. The last thing he wants is to look at him right now, to see the look on his face, so when he feels him pull out almost completely only to thrust back into him, Felix can't help the relief that floods him, or the moan that accompanies it. </p><p>Oh, <em>by the gods--</em></p><p>"Do that again," he gasps, spreading his legs a bit further to better accommodate Dimitri. "Just like that, hard and fast."</p><p> <em>Fuck me until I stop thinking about you.</em> </p><p>Dimitri is nothing if not good at following directions: his hips draw back and push back into him just as he wished it, hard and fast and <em>deep.</em> But he doesn't seem satisfied, Dimitri's hands gripping hold of Felix's hips to lift them up before repeating the motion. </p><p>Oh. <em>Oh.</em> </p><p>"Like that," Felix gasps, almost certain that, any more of that, and he could see stars. "Don't stop--"</p><p>Dimitri doesn't. His fingers dig into his hips hard enough that he's almost certain they'll leave bruises, groans leaving him with each and every push into Felix's body, his hips relentless. Felix can't help but be grateful.</p><p>His cock twitches helplessly, neglected, and he reaches back a trembling hand to wrap around his length only for Dimitri to shift again, his hand depressing the bed beside Felix's head. </p><p>Ah. </p><p>As if reminiscent of their times spent together in the underworld, the nights that Dimitri laid wrapped around him, his body cloaks Felix's once more as his hand moves from his hip to his cock, willing Felix to relinquish his control. </p><p>And he does. </p><p>"Felix," Dimitri gasps, his breath hot against his neck as Felix fights to stifle a sob. </p><p>This isn't how this was supposed to go. Couldn't he have just kept his distance? Thrust into him until his completion and left it at that? Felix was content just seeing stars, he didn't need-- didn't <em>want--</em></p><p>"I love you, Felix."</p><p>This time, Felix really does sob, the sound muffled only by the pillow as he feels his body clench around Dimitri's cock before spilling himself all over the bed. </p><p>A strong arm wraps around him, Dimitri thrusting into him two, three more times before his hips stutter and he follows Felix.</p><p>This is--</p><p>"Don't cry, Felix," Dimitri mutters, still breathless as he brushes a wayward strand behind his ear. "I'm here."</p><p><em>That's why I'm crying,</em> he wants to say, and bites his tongue. </p><p>When did he start crying? </p><p>It's bordering on sobs now, messy and seeming to shake his whole body with each and every one. It's pathetic, Felix wishing he could claw at his eyes to make himself stop, to bring himself back under control. </p><p>Pulling his arms around him properly, Dimitri maneuvers them onto their sides-- back to spooning as they used to… as children, and then later again on their journey out of the underworld.</p><p>It's comforting, more so than he wants it to be, and his sobs end up subsiding slowly until there are just tears running down his cheeks, silently soaking the pillow beneath him. </p><p>He's in love with Dimitri.</p><p>He wishes he weren't. It would be easier if he weren't. Even if his feelings are returned, they shouldn't be. </p><p>He's human. He'd have... <em>time</em> if Dimitri's extended family weren't hellbent on killing him, but-- he's not a god. Not <em>immortal.</em> </p><p>Even if Dimitri truly wishes for the utopic vision of the future he'd painted for him before-- just the two of them, together forever-- it's not feasible. Not in the long-run, not if Dimitri wants to stay a god and Felix wants to keep his head. </p><p>Dimitri's softened cock slips out of him and Felix feels another sob escape him at the feeling. Empty, now. </p><p>"You can cry," Dimitri whispers, brushing his hair back-- out of his face and over his neck, his touch astonishingly soft. "Cry as much as you need to, and I'll be here."</p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>Dimitri is, as ever, a man of his word.</p><p>Felix falls asleep to his tears, and Dimitri doesn't move, not once. He just holds him.</p><p>The early morning's rays shine through his window to make patterns on the wall, and Felix remembers with the dawn of the new day the impossibility of his present.</p><p>Dimitri is here with him, promised to stay with him, even, but-- it's not sustainable. </p><p>His eyes are puffy, almost painfully so. The last time he cried like that, Glenn died, and Dimitri held him then, too. </p><p>He's not even sure what he cried for this time. That he loves Dimitri, when he can't? That Dimitri wants something that can never be? </p><p>That, even with the second chance he was gifted, his life is far too short for him to do anything of worth with it?</p><p>Certainly not fall in love.</p><p>"Felix." The rumbling purr of his voice, soft, is the only warning he gets before Dimitri is kissing the back of his neck, his shoulder, Felix feeling himself stiffen.</p><p>Were he a cat, he thinks his hackles might have stood on end.</p><p>"No," he manages to get out, his voice only breaking from disuse during sleep and not for any other reason. No tears, this time. He clears his throat, hands curling into fists again to stop their soft trembling. "Leave."</p><p>It takes a few moments before Dimitri stiffens, his hold on Felix almost tightening, unwilling to let him go. </p><p>Felix swallows down the hollow ache in his chest, squeezes his eyes shut, and wills his body to cooperate. </p><p>"I-- I don't understand."</p><p>"There's nothing <em>to</em> understand," Felix snaps, glaring at the wall before him. He needs-- he needs to get up, needs to get out of Dimitri's arms. Their siren call is far too strong for his liking, Felix finally manages to push himself up to sitting even as his gaze refuses to turn upon Dimitri. "You need to <em>leave.</em>"</p><p>"But--"</p><p>"<em>Now.</em>" He swallows down the tremor of his voice, forcing himself to get up and get dressed, anything to rid himself of the reminder of how intimate he and Dimitri were the night before.</p><p>"F-Felix--"</p><p>"You can stop babying me, all right?" he all but barks, glaring down at the fabric of his chitoniskos as he realizes it to be inside out. As if he wasn't having enough trouble wrestling with his feelings already, now he gets to wrestle with his clothing, too. "I'm not a child, and I don't need your help. The best thing you can do for both of us is leave me alone." </p><p>Dimitri inhales, sharp, sounding for just a moment as if he's about to say something-- only for the promise to disappear from the space between them.</p><p> Does Felix want him to argue? </p><p>No-- the thought alone is absurd. It would be ridiculously unreasonable of him-- to push Dimitri away and yet... wish for him to want him enough to stay. </p><p>The thought sits hollow in his gut, sickening.</p><p>"Stop chasing an impossible fantasy and just-- <em>go.</em> Forget about me."</p><p>Dimitri shakes his head, Felix wrenching his gaze away once more to focus on pulling on pteruges and linothorax. Bracers and greaves follow. "I could never," Dimitri says, his voice smaller than any gods should have any right to be.</p><p>"I'm an asshole. I've been nothing but cruel to you. It shouldn't be too hard." Grabbing his sword, he heads for the door, stopping only to stare at the wall above Dimitri's head. "Be out of here by the time I get back."</p><p>"Wh-- Felix, it's not safe!"</p><p>"It will be if you pull your head out of your ass and get back to work. I'm not going to sit in my home and quiver. I'm not <em>a child.</em>" He scoffs, rolling his eyes. "I'm sure this doesn't require saying, but <em>don't</em> follow me."</p><p>"Please!" Dimitri tries, the blanket catching on his legs as he tries to get out of the bed to go after Felix. "Felix, if something were to happen to you-- I love you, <em>please</em> don't do this."</p><p>"Well, I hate you," he lies, swallowing down the lump in his throat. "So I guess your love is wasted on me."</p><p>Much as he wants to, he doesn't look back.</p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>The need to blow off steam leads him outside of the city, Felix having accepted an assignment to go after a group of bandits. </p><p>It should be child's play, he knows. On any other day, he wouldn't be making simple mistakes as he has been. </p><p>All the cuts and bruises he's sustained thus far are his fault, he knows. His footwork is sloppy, his attention is divided, and he nearly misses the chance to block several lethal blows intended for him. </p><p>His lie continues thundering in his head. </p><p>He doesn't hate Dimitri, he never has. Not really. </p><p>It's with a breath of relief that he sinks his blade into the last bandit's chest, Felix wiping his brow of sweat. </p><p>Who does he think he is, acting as though his life, newly restored to him, is disposable? He really must be an idiot. </p><p>Dimitri was right, of course. Going outside was nothing short of a death knell for him and his overstuffed pride, his wounded heart, injured by his own hand. It still is. </p><p>Every additional moment spent out of doors is a risk, a ticking clock on his life. He ought to go home again, wait out his time there until he stops feeling so pathetically torn about his decision.</p><p>But the thought of returning to an empty house somehow hurts worse than every injury incurred thus far. </p><p>Tightening his grip on his blade, Felix fights off the thought. </p><p>He's survived for this long, hasn't he? He can defend himself a little longer. Long enough to get his good sense back. </p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>Considering how the last few weeks have gone for him, Felix expected any number of things to strike him down: bandits, madmen, wild boars, falling rocks, poison… </p><p>The open field he's in now, staring up at the sky, felt like a good place to wait out the threat on his life. He's reminded again of his time spent in the underworld with Dimitri, shortly after finding out that he and Dima were always one and the same. </p><p>The difference here is considerable. Though he's surrounded by life where he was not before, insects and small animals buzzing around him, one fundamental puzzle piece remains missing from this life of his. </p><p>Dimitri is not here. </p><p>His rejection of him had led Dimitri to try again and again to appeal to him, to will him to continue. He did not beg him for forgiveness, never even assumed he deserved it. He simply… wished for him to be alive. </p><p>This time, his rejection of Dimitri was followed by protests… and then silent assent. Felix asked him not to follow, and he did not. </p><p>He's alone again, as lonely as he was before Dimitri returned to his life. </p><p>The screech is first to hit him, loud and shrill as that of a harpy. </p><p>For a moment, the eagle's wingspan blocks out the sun, Felix jumping up from where he'd been resting to grab his blade. Just in case. </p><p>He's not fast enough. </p><p>Thick, vicious talons dig into his shoulder, lifting him up into the air only for the eagle's beak coming down hard on his head. Trying to lift his blade only makes the talons dig deeper into his flesh, a scream tearing itself free from Felix's throat as his sword plummets to the ground. </p><p>He is next. </p><p>The fall is over too fast, the impact dropping him right on his legs, sure to have broken at least one of his bones, if not more. </p><p>The pain is blinding, so much so that he almost misses his chance to roll out of the way of the eagle's second attempt at attack. </p><p>The third attempt is not as lucky. Fighting with no weapons, an injured sword arm, and a broken leg, the eagle easily digs its talons into his side to tear a chunk out of him. </p><p>Another scream follows, one cut off only by the blood bubbling up in his throat, turning the sound into a gurgle at best. </p><p>He feels himself get pushed onto his front, talons piercing into his back as the edges of his vision start to go dark. </p><p>He wishes he could call for Dimitri, wishes his voice still worked. </p><p>How pathetic of him. How cowardly and hypocritical, to beg for help yet again, and in the eleventh hour. </p><p>If he has to be killed once more, he supposes it only fitting that it should happen at the hands of a god. </p><p>Brought back to life by one, and taken back into the underworld by another. </p><p>"<em>Felix!</em>" </p><p>Right before the end, he thinks he hears Dimitri, the thought making him smile. </p><p><em>I'm sorry,</em> he thinks, and feels the last of his consciousness slip away.</p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>The first thought that hits him is that the bed he's in is far too soft. </p><p>It's almost nice. There is no pain, only plush, soft cushioning begging him to go back to sleep with its comfort. </p><p>The prospect feels nice, Felix shifting a bit in his languor. Even the pillow under his head is softer than any he's ever felt, not that his blanket is any different.  </p><p>The realization that nothing about his surroundings feels familiar comes over him slowly but surely, tugging him out of sleep with its persistent strangeness. The air around him is temperate and comfortable-- not nearly as cold as Asphodel or as hot as Tartarus had been. Even the somewhat stale air of his hometown in the milder months isn't as perfectly pleasant as this. </p><p>There's only one thing missing. </p><p>"Dimitri," he mutters softly, the sound pulling him the rest of the way into consciousness. </p><p>At first glance, Felix is fairly certain that he's surrounded by clouds, soft and plush all around him. The bed is large, but the room is larger, making him feel rather as though he's swaddled by white. </p><p>There is no pain. </p><p>That is the other thing that he supposes should be odd. Flipping back through his memory, he frowns. He remembers sleeping with Dimitri, sobbing in his arms… and telling him to leave. </p><p>Then-- </p><p>Ah. He… died? Not at the hands of bandits, but by a large eagle. He remembers Dimitri's voice, too, but--</p><p>He could have sworn that he died. </p><p>Didn't he?</p><p>Soft, muffled voices hit him then, seeming to have risen in pitch and volume, Felix turning to look after the origin of the sound. </p><p>
  <em>He… stay here! … kill him…!</em>
</p><p>Maybe he isn't dead, then. Not that this place looks anything like the capital or even Elysium. Is this--?</p><p>The thought is cut off before he can fully articulate it in his mind, the door beside him opening seemingly as softly as the person on the other end can manage. </p><p>Until he sees that Felix is awake.</p><p>"Felix-- oh, thank all of creation, you're all right--!"</p><p>"Dimitri," Felix hears himself mutter again, running a hand through his hair. Still in one piece. No blood. He really is all right. "What happened?" </p><p>Dimitri winces, looking miserable for a moment as he closes the door behind him. "You-- ah, f-forgive me, Felix. Despite your clear instructions for me to leave you alone, I fear that I disobeyed you, after all. I will understand and accept any punishment you feel the need to impose as a consequence of my actions."</p><p>"That doesn't actually answer my question."</p><p>"Right-- of course." Clearing his throat, Dimitri folds his hands before him, ducking his head. He looks… pathetic. Like a kicked puppy dog. Why is he in love with him, again? "I feared the worst after you left, but I truly did wish to do as you asked… even if I was not able to sustain that for all too long. In the end, I did decide to follow you, yes, but if I had lost you again--"</p><p>"Stop it, already." Exhaling sharply, Felix shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I forgive you, so you can stop looking so miserable."</p><p>"You do?" </p><p>"Well, you clearly saved my life. Again." If anything, he's angry at himself for his own hubris, his pride and impatience. This is hardly Dimitri's fault. "Just-- I shouldn't have done what I did, all right? You obviously had a reason to watch out for me while your family was trying to kill me. Turns out eagle talons hurt."</p><p>Dimitri's cheeks tinge pink, ducking his head once more. Not quite done looking pathetic, evidently. "Yes, I fear that was my sister."</p><p>Felix nods. Right. "Can't say I'm a fan. Not that I know her, but. As far as first impressions are concerned, this one was pretty dreadful."</p><p>"I was just speaking with her. I apologize on her behalf-- I fear that she won't be extending one herself."</p><p>"It's fine, she's obviously not too fond of me, either."</p><p>An awkward silence descends, Dimitri shuffling back and forth. </p><p>"By the way. Where am I?"</p><p>"Oh! Right! Ah-- this is… my home. You're on Mt. Olympus."</p><p>"Mt. Olympus." He'd had a hunch, but actually <em>hearing it--</em></p><p>"Yes. It was the only place I knew of where your wounds would heal rapidly enough to save you. When I saw you… I-I fear I wasn't quite in my right mind. We are not supposed to take mortals here, you see, but I-- I couldn't lose you again. Not when I had just… gotten you back."</p><p>"But you hadn't," Felix mutters, turning to look over at him. "I was being an ass."</p><p>"I did… put you in new clothing, I'm afraid. Your armor was bloody and I-- I wasn't sure if you'd still feel comfortable with me seeing you nude." He sighs, seeming to deflate. "I was being presumptuous. Pressuring you-- I had no right to simply thrust my feelings upon you as I did. Thinking back on it now, I am frightfully ashamed of my behavior. I could hardly believe that you were still willing to have me touch you at all after I forced myself upon you so shamelessly."</p><p>"Forced yourself?" There's no humor in the laugh that leaves him, just disbelief. If anything, Felix had forced himself on Dimitri that night, pushed him to do something he clearly had been reluctant to do. Only to then reject him on account of his own foolishness. He deserves none of Dimitri's forgiveness for that. "Stop flagellating yourself for something you didn't do, boar." He clears his throat. "... Dimitri."</p><p>"You… you forgive me, then?"</p><p>Another laugh, as mirthless as the first. "There's nothing to forgive."</p><p>"I spoke with Edelgard," Dimitri continues, glancing back at the door. "She said that I… cannot keep you here, and I fear that she is right. So once you are certain that you are not in risk of dying again, I will… take you home and then leave you alone for good, as you asked."</p><p>"Are your ears just for show, boar? I already said that I was wrong to do what I did. I regret it, all right? I do. So just--" He stops, realizing that he's not sure how to finish the sentence. What does he want? </p><p>Many things, he supposes, each one harder to articulate than the first. A life with Dimitri, one he cannot have. For a god's family to stop trying to kill him, which seems an impossibility. To… sleep with Dimitri again, but do it right this time. To touch and kiss and take the time they have left together, if it must be cut short. </p><p>That one seems doable. </p><p>"I don't want any regrets," Felix mutters. "You--" He feels his whole face start to heat up, Felix all too eager to hide it. "You love me, right? You still feel that way?"</p><p>"What? Of course I do, Felix."</p><p>"Show me. Again. But-- do it properly, this time."</p><p>"Properly," Dimitri repeats, slow, as if he's not sure what to do with the word. "Ah… I fear I may need additional assistance, in that instance. I am not certain what would be more proper."</p><p>"Just kiss me, boar," he starts, about to reach in to draw him close when he remembers something-- something he'd previously attempted to forget. "Wait. You said you can change the way you look, right? Like--" He swallows, emotion thick in his throat. "What you'd have looked like now. At my age, if you'd never left."</p><p>"More like Dima," he says slowly, Felix shaking his head.</p><p>"Something in between." </p><p>"Oh."</p><p>A bit of Dima, and a bit of Dimitri, the untouchable god. Because he's… both of them. Somehow, he's always been.</p><p>"Of course," Dimitri says, his shape changing before him for Felix to witness. </p><p>It's too much. </p><p>The memory of his childhood friend hits him squarely in the chest at the sight of him, Felix feeling his eyes well up with tears all over again, quick to cover up the evidence with the back of his arm. </p><p>"Felix," Dimitri whispers, his voice younger than before, matching his new visage. "Please don't cry again. I cannot stand the sight."</p><p><em>Again.</em> Ah, Felix could die of shame. Angrily wiping at his eyes, he shakes his head. "It's fine. I'm fine." <em>I just missed you,</em> his brain supplies for him, the thought serving to dampen his eyes all over again.</p><p>He's not doing this. He refuses to cry again. </p><p>Sitting up, Felix doesn't have to reach far to pull Dimitri in close to kiss, his lips softer than before, his hair shorter when his fingers find their way up into it. </p><p>And Dimitri kisses him back. </p><p>He feels him smile against him, Felix almost wishing he could reprimand him for it when he realizes that he's no better. </p><p>Maybe they're both fools. Fallible, idiotic fools in love. </p><p>They tumble onto the bed, just as soft as before, Dimitri deepening the kiss of his own accord as Felix's hands run down his body to touch him, explore him, memorize the shape of him. </p><p>Properly, this time. </p><p>The vague realization that he's still crying hits him, silent tears rolling down his temples and into his hair, but-- it doesn't matter. </p><p>He's not sad, just overwhelmed with emotion. Happy, he thinks, even if that feeling has eluded him for a long time.</p><p>Ever since Dima left, he thinks. </p><p>Briefly abandoning his quest to map out the man he loves-- because he is, more man than god to Felix, from here on out for the rest of time-- Felix reaches up to undo the clasp of his chitoniskos. More access, more to touch.</p><p>"Your turn," Felix mutters up against his lips, Dimitri looking all too happy to comply. </p><p>It's an honor to watch him like this. Sitting up, his chiton falls easily, dropping down to pool at about mid-thigh, his erection standing tall and proud, just as large as he remembers it to be. And he's smiling.</p><p>It's a wonderful sight to behold.</p><p>"Beast," he mutters, before promptly pulling Dimitri back into another kiss. </p><p>He really does love him. </p><p>Loves the way Dimitri looks at him, touches him, kisses him. A hand runs down his chest in seeming amazement, slowly pushing down the fabric of his own clothes to his waist. </p><p>"I didn't get to see you last time… not properly. I do suppose that's what you meant by the word," Dimitri says, a soft chuckle escaping him as his fingers trace the valleys of his chest, each muscle there carefully, lovingly outlined by Dimitri's fingers ghosting over his skin. "You are… breathtaking, Felix."</p><p>Felix scoffs, turning his gaze away as he feels his cheeks start to heat up again. "You just think that because you're in love with me."</p><p>"Perhaps." Dimitri's smile widens. "But I cannot see with eyes that aren't mine. Nor would I wish to."</p><p>"Eye," Felix corrects, reaching up to touch the eyepatch covering up one of them. "Take it off for me?"</p><p> "Are you certain you wish to see it?"</p><p>"I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't prepared, now would I?" <em>Besides,</em> his brain adds. <em>It is my fault.</em></p><p>One of his eyes for Felix's life. A terrible trade, as far as Felix is concerned. Dimitri's one eye should have been worth so much more than one mortal. Especially seeing as that mortal was him. </p><p>The eyepatch comes off slowly, Felix reaching up to touch on the faint scar running down the length of his eyelid seemingly left behind as part of the transaction. "Did it hurt?"</p><p>"I would have suffered pain far greater if it meant getting to see your life restored."</p><p>"Idiot," Felix mutters, shaking his head.</p><p>"It's all right, Felix. Just an eye, for all of you? Hubert should have asked for my entire life in exchange for yours."</p><p>"I'm a <em>mortal,</em>" Felix says slowly, unable to help the disbelief edging its way into his voice. "You can't compare that to the value of a god."</p><p>"Oh, but I can. As could he. You see, it's not about the worth of the individual within a vacuum. It was the value that I saw in you. And I happen to think you invaluable."</p><p>"<em>Dimitri,</em>" Felix warns, his voice low. Once more, his face feels on fire. It's too much.</p><p>"I am afraid I do mean that, Felix. I wouldn't trade you for all the riches and power and love in the world."</p><p>Dimitri shifts onto his knees, lifting up and off of Felix's thighs just for a moment to undress him the rest of the way. His own cock twitches at the brush of fabric, more than standing at attention now, hard and wanting against his abdomen. </p><p>"Are you actually going to touch me, or am I going to have to do that myself?"</p><p>It turns out to have been the wrong thing to ask, because the next thing he knows, Dimitri's lips are around his length, his mouth sliding down him to draw the most mortifying sound from his throat, Felix promptly hiding behind his arm once more. </p><p>Humiliating. </p><p>Dimitri appears to smile around his cock, his gaze fixed on Felix's face, and Felix wrenches his own away again, heat flaring up on his cheeks despite his attempt at hiding his shame. He feels… too good, if he's honest, the way his tongue curls around his shaft, the way he suckles on his head with every time he moves up his length, the way he all but seems to worship him like this. </p><p>While Felix isn't even sure that he could fit Dimitri in his mouth to begin with. </p><p>The thought is torn from him in the next moment as Dimitri sinks <em>all the way</em> down, eagerly taking him into his throat to swallow around him.</p><p>"F-fuck," he gasps, arching his hips up with a groan. "Please--"</p><p>One hand runs into his hair, Felix tugging on his own hair in an attempt to spare Dimitri's beautiful golden strands. But even the tinge of pain from his grip isn't enough to keep him grounded, to stop him from coming, Felix letting out a strangled moan. </p><p>"Close-- D-Dimitri--"</p><p>Dimitri doesn't stop. Instead, the grip on his hip tightens, his rhythm picking up speed as if intent to draw the orgasm from him despite his warning. </p><p>And he comes. </p><p>It's almost too much, the sensation nigh blinding him as Felix feels his hips stutter, up, <em>up,</em> desperate for more of Dimitri. </p><p>He can't even remember why he ever denied himself in the first place.</p><p>Dimitri swallows all of him without question, his smile wide as he resurfaces, reaching for Felix's arm to kiss the back of his hand. </p><p>"I was hiding behind that," Felix mutters, turning his gaze away but doing little else to rectify the problem. </p><p>Perhaps it's not that big of a problem.</p><p>"I love you," Dimitri says, as if it truly is just that easy to say out loud. </p><p>It isn't, and Felix knows it isn't. </p><p>"I do apologize, but I wish to see my beloved."</p><p>"<em>Embarrassing,</em>" Felix manages to get out, practically choking on the word. By the gods, if he could crawl back into his body and disappear, that might be preferable to this level of torture. "I don't think you're sorry at all."</p><p>He's answered by a chuckle. "Perhaps. But far from embarrassing, it only makes me fall more in love with you," Dimitri says-- which is somehow <em>more</em> embarrassing still-- and gently parts his legs further. </p><p>Keeping hold of his hand-- interlacing their fingers, even-- Dimitri presses a kiss to Felix's inner thigh, his thumb easing him open before his tongue draws over his entrance, Felix startling at the sensation. </p><p>"B-boar--"</p><p>Dimitri is not to be deterred. His hand holds Felix's all the tighter as his tongue continues its mortifying and-- dare he say it-- <em>pleasurable</em> exploration of seemingly every part of his body, Felix feeling his hips buck up, chasing the sensations from earlier that are now nowhere to be found. </p><p>His cock twitches with renewed interest, a soft moan leaving him despite his mortification.</p><p>Dimitri makes love to him with his tongue just as gently as he worshipped his cock before, fresh tears gathering in Felix's eyes. It's so much, so much more than he expected. </p><p><em>I love you,</em> he thinks in lieu of actually saying it, making a silent promise to Dimitri in his head to say it properly, just as properly as he's attending him now-- and soon.</p><p>He deserves to hear it, deserves <em>him.</em> </p><p>A finger joins Dimitri's efforts, slipping inside of him with astonishing ease. He's not sure if it's the place or the person that has him so relaxed, but he <em>is,</em> Felix letting out a barely-suppressed whimper as Dimitri starts to fuck him with it, only allowing himself to add another when he's sure that Felix is relaxed enough. </p><p>It's nothing like the first time. </p><p>There's no pain, just the sensation of how deeply Dimitri cares for him. That was there the first time, too, but with Felix's best attempts at pushing him away and keeping him out, it was muffled at best, denied outright at worst. </p><p>There's none of that here, Felix finally allowing himself to slide his hand into Dimitri's hair, just as soft as he remembers it from when he kissed him the first time-- and then again and again and again. </p><p>How is he ever supposed to stop? How could he possibly return home after this, never to see Dimitri again? He wants the future Dimitri told him about, both of them growing old together, playing house until life tires of them and sends them, hand-in-hand, into Elysium. </p><p>An eternity spent in the afterlife sounds so much less dreadful now, when he imagines it spent at Dimitri's side. </p><p>A third finger slides inside of him with astonishing ease, Dimitri shifting his body back up only to press kisses along the length of his shaft, eyes still fixed on Felix. </p><p>Like he's never seen anything so beautiful. </p><p>Fingers curl inside of him only for Dimitri's body to rut up in response, gasping as he sees stars all over again. His nod is frantic, then. "Th-that-- just like that."</p><p>"I can do that," Dimitri says, smiling against the base of his cock. The curl of his fingers only just borders on teasing, not too much for him to handle, not so little that he gets annoyed at being denied. </p><p>As though Dimitri knows just how to make Felix feel… perfect. </p><p>Just Dimitri, no one else. Even if such a person existed, Felix isn't sure he'd care to know. </p><p>"Fuck me," Felix says, the words soft. If Dimitri listens too closely, he's not sure that he won't be able to hear the truth of it behind them. </p><p>
  <em>Make love to me.</em>
</p><p>Dimitri places another kiss upon his cock, his smile warm and radiant as the sun as he looks up at him. "If you wish."</p><p>And he does. Felix isn't sure he's ever wished for anything so badly in his life as this-- Dimitri, making love to him every day for the rest of his life. </p><p>The emptiness that results when Dimitri withdraws his fingers from inside of him doesn't last long. The head of his cock brushes up against his entrance in their place, already slick with precum, Dimitri shifting back up along Felix's body to kiss him, soft, gentle, reverent.</p><p>And Felix welcomes it, pulling him close once more as his legs wrap around his waist.</p><p>"I'll be careful," Dimitri nods, pressing another soft kiss to his lips before returning his attention between his legs.</p><p>This time, when Dimitri does push into him with an ease belying his size, Felix <em>knows</em> that it's the place-- that Dimitri is likely cheating somewhat with the help of his divine abilities to ease the slide of his cock inside of him. </p><p>Felix certainly isn't about to complain, a soft shudder leaving him as Dimitri rests his forehead against his. </p><p>"Are you all right?"</p><p>"You know I am," Felix mutters, wishing he could make himself sound even remotely irritable. "Don't worry about that, worry about making me feel good. Just move."</p><p>"My beloved," Dimitri whispers, pressing a kiss to his forehead, each of his cheeks, and finally his lips, each one soft and lingering, as if his lips are as unwilling to let Felix go as the rest of him. </p><p><em>Good,</em> Felix thinks. <em>That's how it should be.</em> </p><p>The thoughts don't linger once Dimitri starts moving, however. All of them seem to simply disappear. All but one, all but the man in his arms. Their breaths as in tandem as their bodies, Dimitri meets Felix perfectly with each thrust until Felix can't help but wonder if they weren't made for this. All humans, yes, but-- </p><p>The two of them, especially. Made to come together, to never be apart again. </p><p>Dimitri hitches up Felix's leg, and all rational thought leaves him. Instead, he's left with his body a quivering mess, his hips nigh trembling as he fights to keep his own rhythm steady despite the way Dimitri's length keeps hitting him just right, over and over and over again. </p><p><em>I love you,</em> he thinks. The words drum through his head like a mantra before a soft whine leaves him. Dimitri pushes into him just right, and Felix knows there's no point in holding back any longer, his body a slave to his release, to the shared pleasure between them. </p><p>His orgasm washes over him just as hard as the first time, his body clenching around Dimitri's cock as his arms tighten around him on instinct. <em>Don't go,</em> his body seems to beg of him. </p><p>And Dimitri complies. </p><p>His last few thrusts border on unsteady, rhythm lost in the chase for pleasure, Dimitri reduced to nothing but gasps and one word. </p><p>"Felix, Felix, Felix, <em>Felix--</em>"</p><p>The stutter of his hips, the sharp inhale, the throbbing of his release inside of him-- Felix has to squeeze his eyes shut to keep the tears at bay, and even then, he's not sure that he succeeds. </p><p>"Dimitri," Felix says, as if to answer the siren call of his own name on Dimitri's tongue, spoken like a prayer. And then-- "Dima."</p><p>Dimitri's arms tighten around him, warm and safe, and, for the first time in a long time, Felix feels content. </p><p> </p><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/angeeya/status/1311724299385016322">  </a>
</p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>Dimitri keeps him in his bed for a while. </p><p>Then again, Felix supposes that the same could be said for him, too, unwilling to let Dimitri go, either. They fall asleep together in each other's arms only after a while, a matter of choice instead of need even after they continue making love. </p><p>Having sex. Felix almost certainly does not call it making love, even if he doesn't mind it nearly as much as he ought to when Dimitri does.</p><p>And yet, Reality prods insistently at their present.</p><p>He does not wish to leave. </p><p>It has little to do with the place. Though Mt. Olympus is nice-- the lack of necessary bodily functions is particularly lovely, another perk of Elysium that he seems to have neglected to notice last time-- it's more the person in bed beside him that makes it feel like home here. </p><p>He knows he's supposed to return to the capital, to <em>his</em> home, away from Dimitri. A place where Dimitri cannot follow if Felix wishes to stay alive. </p><p>It's something, he thinks, that they've both been trying hard not to think about. </p><p>"Maybe," Felix starts, Dimitri drawing patterns on the back of his hand, "you can actually do your job for once. Earn your right to come see me."</p><p>Dimitri's finger stills, Felix finding himself already missing its movements, playful and affectionate. A sign of Dimitri at his happiest. </p><p>He knows he broke their unspoken agreement. Speaking of solutions means acknowledging the problem that exists in the first place. An unpleasant sort of thing.</p><p>"I fear my sister would continue to see me as a liability if I have you. You… make me soft-- better, than I was. A terrible god of war, I'm afraid, not that I was ever particularly well-suited for the position. And without war and conflict, my sister cannot instigate her rebellions as she wishes. I'm sure she resents her reliance on me in the process… our two roles have always been rather interconnected, you see, but lately that has led to trouble, as you are no doubt well-aware."</p><p>Felix blinks, scowling over at him. "I don't know, am I?"</p><p>"Things between us weren't always quite so dire," Dimitri continues, evidently refusing to pay Felix any mind. "I used to get along with her just fine in the past… but that is a long time ago, now."</p><p>"Hmph."</p><p>"Come, I'll show you something."</p><p>Sitting up, Dimitri holds his hand out to him, Felix taking a glance down at himself. "I'm naked, if you hadn't noticed. I'm not letting the entire pantheon see me like this."</p><p>"Ah, of course! Forgive me." Holding his clothes out to hand to Felix, Dimitri's simply materialize on his body as he watches him get dressed. </p><p>Must be nice. </p><p>Waiting for him to finish, Dimitri holds his hand out once more, Felix accepting the offer with a sigh. "Haven't seen a lot of your home, you know. Just your room. Should I be worried?"</p><p>"Oh, terrified." Dimitri chuckles, Felix biting down on the inside of his cheek as he's led out into a large room. </p><p>Large likely isn't doing it justice. It's certainly bigger than the courtyard of his family home, Felix taking in the sights around him. Though a triclinium is assembled in one corner, various klines and several diphroi sit around the room in no particular arrangement. In one corner, a waterfall runs down past the floor and into nowhere. A harp plays on its own, the strings seemingly plucked by nothing at all. </p><p>Each wall looks as if not to even be there, just extending out into nowhere across the clouds they appear to be surrounded by. </p><p>Everything here is just as plush and white as Dimitri's room, by the looks of it. </p><p>And at the center, a large, raised circular pool of water sits, perfectly still.</p><p>Their destination, evidently. </p><p>Two chairs are pulled up for them as if by an invisible force, Dimitri gesturing for him to sit. </p><p>"Think of someone that you know. In your hometown, perhaps-- and touch the water." </p><p>"All right…" </p><p>He hasn't seen his father in a long time. Perhaps it's time for that, too. He's already been confronting so many of his demons. Might as well continue. </p><p>He touches a fingertip to the pool of water, an image slowly appearing in the ripples before the surface smooths out again: His father, making his way to the small shrine in their courtyard. It must be morning, then.  </p><p>"He's saying a prayer for you," Dimitri explains. "He hopes that his son is happy even in death."</p><p>Definitely time to return home, then. Felix makes a soft, displeased noise. "And Glenn?"</p><p>"Touch the water." </p><p>Sighing, Felix does as he's asked, Elysium coming into view. "Of course he's eating fruit," Felix says, trying to ignore the warmth in his chest at the thought of Glenn still being happy, even there. </p><p>He'll be back to join him eventually, he supposes. But, until then--</p><p>He turns to Dimitri with a frown. "Why are you showing me this?"</p><p>"Do you see how difficult it was for me? Imagine being able to see the one you love most at any time. You simply have to wish it and touch the water. Every time Edelgard caught me leaning my arms onto the rim just to watch you, she'd make a dreadful mess, water everywhere. I cannot focus if I am always thinking of you. And I am. Even with you here, I'm not getting work done."</p><p>"So--" He tears his gaze away, the lump in his throat impossible to ignore now. "So there's no solution, then. We just can't be together."</p><p>"Hm." Dimitri seems to consider something before shaking his head. "It remains to be seen. But-- I do need to send you home."</p><p>"What?" </p><p>"For now, you belong with your father and your friends. Surely you miss them."</p><p><em>Not as much as I'll miss you.</em> </p><p>"I will see what I can do," Dimitri says, his voice soft as he reaches over to take Felix's hand. "Perhaps I'll come up with a solution."</p><p>Felix blinks. He feels as though he is trapped in a well, nothing but a thin piece of string presented to him to help him get out. Hopeless. </p><p>"We've-- we have talked about solutions. We haven't come up with anything yet. Either you forget about me, or-- what, I die by default? I don't want to be trapped between a rock and a hard place, boar." <em>And I don't want you to forget about me.</em></p><p>"It's…" Dimitri offers a chuckle. "It is quite the conundrum. I fear one of us will have to make quite the sacrifice for anything to work."</p><p>"Yeah, either your memory or my life. And I'm not too keen for another set of eagle talons ready to tear out my heart." But that's beside the point, the whole conversation making him angry, Felix moving to stand before turning to look at Dimitri. "Don't you care?" Because as far as he can tell, he's the only one upset about this.</p><p>If anything, Dimitri's smile widens as he moves to stand, reaching out to take first one hand, then the other in his. "I believe in us," he says, placing a soft kiss on the back of his knuckles. First one, then the other, and then--</p><p>"I love you," he says, and pushes him back into the pool.</p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>Felix feels like he's falling for a long time. </p><p>He awakens in his bed at home, startling as he shoots up to sitting, his heart pounding loud and hard enough to throb in his ears. </p><p>"Fuck!" he yells, looking around the room as if Dimitri would just-- be there.</p><p>But he's not. </p><p>Of course he's not. </p><p>"Don't tell me you abandoned me again, boar," he mutters, throwing his blanket off of him to get dressed.</p><p>He's not even sure where he's planning on going, but if there's one thing he knows, it's that he can't stay here. </p><p>And if the boar wants to find him, well. He does have a magic pool of water that allows him to pinpoint his precise location and what he's doing. </p><p>He's not waiting up for someone who might never show-- or worse, not care to.</p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>He's halfway to his destination when he realizes that he's headed home. Exactly where he's meant to be going, he supposes. </p><p>A part of him wishes the walk were longer. But he can't keep running from his problems forever, so he might as well face them head-on. </p><p>And when he knocks on the all-too-familiar door of his childhood home, Ashe isn't the only one who nearly passes out upon seeing him. </p><p>His father doesn't yelp the way Ashe did, though, which he supposes is… preferable. But then the tears start flowing once Rodrigue pulls him into his arms and realizes that he is, in fact, real, and Felix is far less thrilled about that. </p><p>Still, he lets it happen. His father did grieve him for long enough, after all. </p><p>Ashe goes to tell Annette of the news while he relays what happened to him to his father. As reluctant as he is to share some parts of the journey, it's still likely the most words he's spoken to him since before Glenn's death. </p><p>At least he can rest easy that his eldest is happy eating all manner of fruit in Elysium, and that his youngest has been restored. </p><p>They settle into a routine, after that. </p><p>The rumor-- <em>it's no rumor,</em> Felix insists-- that Felix was brought back due to Dimitri's favor is spread slowly, Felix only reintroduced back into the town gradually, so as not to terrify anyone. </p><p>Felix doesn't take his job as a politician or his role as part of the ecclesia back, either, and Rodrigue doesn't pester him to, seeming to just appreciate his existence and the help he does offer with the work he brings home. He always was good at governance and legal matters, much as he didn't enjoy the role. </p><p>He insists that he'll have to return to doing his other job as a misthios in the capital again sooner rather than later, but Felix doesn't push the matter, doesn't insist on it knowing how glad Rodrigue is to have him alive. </p><p>The days drag on, all the same. Without Dimitri, there isn't a great deal to look forward to, after all.</p><p>Only once he is allowed back out into society in full do things change. </p><p> </p><p>&amp;</p><p> </p><p>"It's so good to have you back with us," a fellow member of the ecclesia informs him, Felix fighting the urge to just make up a bad excuse to get out of the conversation. "It's funny, but around the same time your father first spoke of your return, someone new came into town to settle here, too. Odd sort of fellow. Was asking about you, too, but-- well, we all thought you were dead."</p><p>Felix feels himself go rigid, his eyes wide as he turns to the man. "Who? Where does he live?"</p><p>"Just down the way, in the gray house at the corner. It's been empty for so long, no one expected anyone to move in--"</p><p>Felix has stopped listening, his legs already carrying him down the street in a near-sprint. </p><p>He's out of breath by the time he's knocking on the door, frantic, desperately wishing that the mysterious new owner of the house might be home.</p><p>"Yes? Oh-- Felix!" </p><p>Felix doesn't hesitate. Just takes Dimitri's face in his hands and kisses him, pushing him back into the house until he can kick the door closed. </p><p>"Idiot," he mutters against his lips, forced to break the kiss from how out of breath he is. "I should punch you for doing that to me."</p><p>"Ah, perhaps you ought to, yes, but-- I do hope you won't. I am still getting used to this new human body of mine, which is terribly fragile and extremely prone to breaking."</p><p>Felix blinks. "Human," he whispers. </p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Why didn't you--" He shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut, willing the fresh wash of tears stubbornly threatening at his doorstep away. </p><p>Dimitri did that. For him. </p><p>Just to be with him.</p><p>"Idiot," he whispers again, shaking his head. "I can't believe you-- what, gave up immortality? For me."</p><p>"I would not have wished to miss out on a lifetime spent at your side in Elysium," Dimitri tells him, lifting his hand to kiss the back of it. "I am sorry I didn't tell you. I wasn't entirely certain it would work, but-- I had a good feeling about it."</p><p>"A good feeling," he says, Felix scowling. "I thought you abandoned me again."</p><p>"Abandon you?" Dimitri shakes his head, the kiss this time delivered to the back of the other hand. "Felix. I have never abandoned you. Not really."</p><p>"Came pretty fucking close a few times, though."</p><p>"I'm here," he says, reaching up to cradle Felix's cheeks as he rests his forehead against his. "And I'm not going anywhere. Even if… I may need some help with, ah… bodily functions, still."</p><p>"Idiot," Felix says again, for good measure. "Like I wouldn't help you. I love you."</p><p>Ah.</p><p>"I love you, too," Dimitri says, surprise blossoming into a smile that is blindingly bright.</p><p>And Felix finds that he doesn't even mind.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Dimitri relinquished his role as god of war to Edelgard, rebellion and war naturally going hand-in-hand. Though Felix initially wished to return to the capital, Dimitri eventually convinced him to continue his work as a misthios in and around his hometown, where things are safer and they would be closer to his father. In his place, Dimitri takes on the role of politician, eager to partake in the ecclesia and to lend his voice to political matters he previously only was an observer in. As his importance in the community rises, he's able to convince the public to do away with the sacrifices he always so loathed in his time as a god. </p><p>  <b>Terminology</b></p><blockquote>
  <ul>
<li>sesamous - a sweet, sticky, sesame-based dessert served on a stick 
</li>
<li>kanephoroi - also known as basket bearers, these were unmarried young women entitled with the privilege of leading the procession to sacrifice at festivals
</li>
<li>kopis - a curved blade used for ritual sacrifices
</li>
<li>misthios - a mercenary 
</li>
<li>ecclesia - the principle assembly, allowing for open forum discussion on matters
</li>
<li>kline - a type of sofa
</li>
<li>diphroi - a chair with no back, a stool
</li>
<li>yia-yia - the greek word for grandmother
</li>
<li>chiton - a tunic that fastens at the shoulder or shoulders, worn by both sexes
</li>
<li>chitoniskos - a tunic both shorter and more form-fitting than the chiton
</li>
<li>pteruges - a defensive skirt part of greek and roman armor, usually made of a series of leather strips, meant to defend hips and thighs
</li>
<li>linothorax - ancient mediterranean body armor, a sort of breastplate</li>
</ul>
</blockquote>You'll find the amazing art drawn by Ange and Pol over on their twitters, <a href="https://twitter.com/angeeya/status/1311724299385016322">here</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/panacotts/status/1311735367511363585?s=20">here</a>!<p>Additionally, the absolutely incredible <a href="https://twitter.com/KnowToastie">Toastie</a> surprised me by illustrating the scene where Felix and Dimitri eat fruit (a lemon with full peel for Dimitri, thanks!) in Elysium, and it is <a href="https://twitter.com/KnowToastie/status/1326229732069961729">absolutely breathtaking</a>. I couldn't be happier or more honored!! Go give her a follow, she deserves it!!</p><p>And, if you want to talk more about dimilix, you can come catch me on twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/androugenius">@androugenius</a>, too!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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